Tag Archives: wife

Dear John: When In Florida, Avoid Your In-Laws

My husband’s horrible sisters have invited themselves to our home in Florida. They hate me. One’s husband sexually assaulted me five years ago. When I had her come and get him (he was drunk), she accused me of making it up! (She saw it happen.)

The other sister has never invited us over for dinners or special events. She’s extremely obese and will break our furniture if she sits on it.

We are in our 70s, live modestly and can’t afford this selfish intrusion. My husband says, “But they’re my sisters!” Please help me get out of this. — LOOKING FOR PEACE

Dear Looking,

First question: Are you married to someone in The Klumps?

Second question: Would you even want to go over to your sister-in-law’s home for dinner? Sounds like you just want to cut her out completely.

There is one way to get out of this: divorce. JK, you seem to actually love your husband, just not the rest of his family. You can politely excuse yourself when they arrive by letting your husband know “Hey Todd, I’m gonna take a girl’s weekend with Muriel and Florence while your sisters are in town.” Boom. It’s that easy. You can even fake going away with people and just go do something fun for yourself!

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“Jaw With John” – Husband Should Listen to Pavement: Cut Your Hair

“My 63-year-old husband refuses to cut his hair. It is gray and thinning and is now longer than mine. Even when it’s clean it looks dirty.

I was raised to take pride in my appearance. If I say anything about it, he thinks it’s funny, or the other extreme, that I am picking on him. He’s not a rock star or a young lad. Please help. — NEAT AND CLEAN IN CALIFORNIA

Dear Neat and Clean,

He’s 63? OK, then you probably only need to wait a few more years before nature takes care of the “problem” itself. Otherwise, you’re stuck with it. He won’t cut it. You shouldn’t force him to cut it. You should cut it …. out. Ahhh, see what I did there? OK, I’ll see myself out.

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“Jaw With John” – Fill Your Eyes With That Double Vision

I work in customer service and was helping a guest. During my eight- to 10-minute chat with her, she showed me her phone. The wallpaper on her phone was a picture of the guest and her boyfriend in Times Square. Without mentioning it to the guest, I recognized her boyfriend as the husband of a friend of mine I’ll call Julie.

Julie and her husband have two young children. Part of me wants to confront him, but part of me says this would destroy a family. I have resolved to remain quiet unless I hear of marital difficulties, but would that be a disservice to my friend and her children? I feel like I’m carrying a grenade that may devastate many innocents. — Wants To Confront Him

Dear Wants To Confront,

You’ve never heard of a doppelgänger?

I’ve been shown photos from friends of people who look like me! It’s pretty wild.

The only way I would recommend doing ANYTHING is if you were 100% certain it was him. As in, you would bet your life on it being him in that photo. Otherwise, chalk it up to a lookalike.

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“Jaw With John” – Your Husband Said What Now?

My husband of more than 30 years has erectile dysfunction. When I was overweight I was happy enough not to have relations with him. Now I’ve got control of my health and would like to step it up in the bedroom.

He suggests, regularly, that I seek another partner. Besides being hurt by these requests, I’m fine waiting for him. Now he says that if he knew I was seeing someone else, he would not have to take pills because he’d be aroused at the thought.

I’m stunned and confused. He’s never been into porn. I don’t know where this is coming from. What should I do? — It Got Complicated

Dear Complicated,

Uh, what?

I’m sure that you’ve been down the E.D. pill road and maybe he doesn’t want to do that and if you haven’t then that’s something you can try.

Final thought here because I’m a little limp with how to resolve this (see what I did there?): Role Play. Use that knowledge and try to drum up a lil sexual excitement!

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“Jaw With John” – Guests Present But Not With A Present

“I recently celebrated my marriage with an amazing wedding! We had the best night of our lives, and so many guests told us it was the best wedding they had ever been to.

While enjoying reading cards and opening gifts, we were shocked to find 35 of our 140 guests did not leave a gift. We have racked our brains. Was the gift table too hard to find? Are they planning on sending a gift? Were some gifts stolen?

The probability of this is low as the area was secure and well-supervised. The table was a little tricky to spot, but the venue wasn’t that large.

We are honestly feeling hurt. As an aside, my husband and I paid for the wedding ourselves and many of our friends knew this.

Several people have suggested discussing this directly with the offending guests. This is a really tricky situation, but that number is so surprisingly high.

Any advice on how to approach this sticky situation? — Baffled Bride

Dear Baffled,

Speaking from experience, the last wedding I went to I didn’t bring a gift with me. I found the couples registry and then purchased it online and had it sent to them. Maybe that has happened with a few of your gifts.

As for the stolen bit…c’mon, be real here. This isn’t You’re The Worst (hilarious show btw). Gifts were not stolen.

Let’s face it, some people do not feel required to bring or purchase a gift for a new couple. They might want to just show up, get drunk, party, dance, etc. You need to accept this fact and move on. You didn’t get married for the stuff – unless you’re in it for your husbands stuff – HEY OH! (I’m Kidding). You two got married, and chose a public ceremony so that you could share your love with your close friends and relatives.

 

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