Tag Archives: Wedding

“Jaw With John” – Guests Present But Not With A Present

“I recently celebrated my marriage with an amazing wedding! We had the best night of our lives, and so many guests told us it was the best wedding they had ever been to.

While enjoying reading cards and opening gifts, we were shocked to find 35 of our 140 guests did not leave a gift. We have racked our brains. Was the gift table too hard to find? Are they planning on sending a gift? Were some gifts stolen?

The probability of this is low as the area was secure and well-supervised. The table was a little tricky to spot, but the venue wasn’t that large.

We are honestly feeling hurt. As an aside, my husband and I paid for the wedding ourselves and many of our friends knew this.

Several people have suggested discussing this directly with the offending guests. This is a really tricky situation, but that number is so surprisingly high.

Any advice on how to approach this sticky situation? — Baffled Bride

Dear Baffled,

Speaking from experience, the last wedding I went to I didn’t bring a gift with me. I found the couples registry and then purchased it online and had it sent to them. Maybe that has happened with a few of your gifts.

As for the stolen bit…c’mon, be real here. This isn’t You’re The Worst (hilarious show btw). Gifts were not stolen.

Let’s face it, some people do not feel required to bring or purchase a gift for a new couple. They might want to just show up, get drunk, party, dance, etc. You need to accept this fact and move on. You didn’t get married for the stuff – unless you’re in it for your husbands stuff – HEY OH! (I’m Kidding). You two got married, and chose a public ceremony so that you could share your love with your close friends and relatives.

 

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“Jaw With John” – Wedding Gift Dilemma

A friend of my daughter’s (and not a particularly close friend) is getting married in a month.

I have been invited to the wedding.

It is more than a three-hour drive, so I’ve already made up my mind not to attend.

I have only met this young lady one time.

What is my socially correct obligation? Is it necessary for me to buy her a gift? I am not a stingy person, but the going rate for cash gifts is around $150 in our area. Your thoughts are appreciated. — Wedding Vexed

Dear Vexed:

You don’t have to attend if you don’t want to. Politely decline and be on your way. Furthermore, since you are not attending it is not necessary for you to buy a gift, let alone $150.

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“Jaw With John” – It’s A Wedding Invitation, Not Brain Surgery

A co-worker’s daughter is getting married and I have been invited to the wedding. We have had our differences at work and I am surprised to have been invited.

A few other co-workers (and myself) have never even met the bride or groom. I feel that it is hypocritical to attend this wedding simply because we work together. We are not friends, and I do not want to go.

I come from a large family and have heard brides complain when people they do not know are invited and attend their weddings. Other co-workers who have been invited question the invitation too. What is your take on this? Should I feel obligated to go?

— Miffed Co-worker

Dear Miffed:

No one is telling you that you have to go to this wedding. It’s an invitation. You can politely decline and be on your way. You think too highly of yourself to suggest that going to this wedding is hypocritical just because you and your coworker have had your differences at times. Get over it yourself.

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“Jaw With John” – RSVPeeved

My daughter and her boyfriend got married this past weekend. The ceremony was beautiful and they worked very hard to make sure everything was just right. They also paid for the whole thing; though it was a low-key affair, there was still considerable expense.

What shocked me was the number of guests who RSVP’d that they would be attending, but then didn’t show up. This meant that a lot of money was spent on food, beverages and favors that went to waste.

I know sometimes people think, “Well, I’m just one person so it won’t make that much difference,” but if you multiply that by 10 or 20 people, it adds up! I find it incredibly rude and feel that they owe her and her husband an apology.

Outside of calling them out on Facebook or jokingly saying they’ll get a bill for their portion of the food, I know there’s nothing to be done. I just wonder if this is the “new way” and manners just don’t matter anymore. Your thoughts? — Furious

Dear Furious:

I’m sure your daughter knows who did and did not show up so they could be hearing from her if she’s so inclined to do so. But it’s not your arena. You shouldn’t do anything, no matter how rude it is – and it’s very rude. There isn’t a “new way” for manners. Rude is rude.

Sometimes there are genuine last-minute reasons why someone can’t make an event. If that’s the case with some of these then an explanation and apology is simple. But those that just blew off the wedding entirely are the ones you need to look out for and see if they are the type of people wanted at other milestone-type events.

Or, the other way you can look at it is “Hey, look! More food and booze for me!”

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“Jaw With John” – Fiance’s Out, But She Still Wants A Wedding…Uh, What?

My sister has been engaged for the past year and has everything planned for a wedding this summer. However, her fiance has recently contacted her to let her know he is no longer interested in marrying her.

My sister is distraught, but we have a four-month window to cancel the hotel, the band, etc., and still recoup a large portion of the deposit money.

My sister does not want us to cancel anything. She has told us multiple times that if we cancel the wedding, she won’t have the opportunity to fix this broken relationship, and she will wind up never getting married. She is having a very hard time coming to terms with her current situation. Meanwhile, her fiance has moved out of their home and is living with a friend.

If we do not cancel the venue we stand to lose many thousands of dollars, but we still want to support my sister. What is the right thing to do? — Distraught

Dear Distraught:

Your sister is living in Crazy Town and not the one populated by the band of the same name.

This thing with her fiance is done, finished. The relationship is not broken at this point, it’s shattered. Keeping the wedding afloat in the hopes that he’ll reconsider is the pipiest(new word) of pipe dreams. He’s moved out and moved on. Wasting money on this extravagant party – which it’s just that at this point, a party – is a truly horrible idea.

What if he doesn’t show? Which he won’t. How crushed will she be when that happens? That would be worse than calling off the whole thing. It would be traumatizing and she may never recover from the humiliation. You can’t let her go through with this plan.

By canceling everything now you are supporting her future.

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