Tag Archives: Son-In-Law

“Jaw With John” – Son-In-Law Isn’t Promoted, In-Laws Frustrated

Our daughter has been married for 10 years to a wonderful guy. They’re great parents. So what’s our problem?

Well, our son-in-law has a college education and a very good job with one of the best firms in our area.

He has applied for a promotion four times in the past 14 months and has been turned down every time. He is frustrated and unhappy about this.

We (of course) cannot be there at his job and see his eight years of performance (which seem to be very good). But we can see that he takes his job very lightly. He dresses extremely casually every day — T-shirts with no collar, ill-fitting jeans, etc.

Last fall, he attended an out-of-town conference and took off one full day to lie by the hotel pool and “relax.” Unfortunately he chose to post this on social media. He has talked to other employees against the company line. His grammar is often incorrect and his manners can be sloppy.

He is a truly fine man with a good heart but doesn’t seem to project this at work.

There is absolutely no way we can discuss this with him. We are hoping he would recognize himself if he saw this in your column. It is hard to sit by and watch his upset and unhappiness at promotion time. — Concerned In-Laws

Dear Concerned:

Promotions are earned. They are not handed out because someone has been there long enough. At least that’s how it works at most companies.

I hate to be the one tell you this but I doubt he’s going to find this and read your plea for change and then have an epiphany because he realizes that he needs to change. Not going to happen.

Maybe it will take a 5th time failing to be promoted that he will recognize that a change in attitude is in order. But this isn’t your battle. It’s his.

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“Jaw With John” – Grandma Been Drinkin’ Na Naaaaaa

I need your help with a very sensitive situation with my in-laws. My mother-in-law drinks too much at family functions. We recently celebrated my son’s first birthday party (her first grandchild) and she (again) had too much to drink. She was slurring her words, wobbly on her feet and was having uncomfortable conversations with our other guests.

When my wife confronted her about her behavior (at the party), she became defensive and immediately responded that my wife is too judgmental. She used profanity at my wife and said she was never coming to our house again. She also began to act like a teenager and stomped up the stairs and slammed doors, etc. We are concerned for her safety as well as the safety of our son.

This has been a pattern for her over the past 15-plus years. I am only just coming into this situation within the last four years since marrying my wife. It seems to be a cycle where these situations occur, my mother-in-law backs off drinking for a few months and then she starts back up again.

How can we address this issue without having her feel like we are having an intervention or attacking her?

When she is not drinking she is the best mother-in-law and grandmother in the world. She is very helpful and always goes above and beyond for the family. — Concerned Son-In-Law

Dear Son-in-Law:

What kind of response did you expect from a drunk person? Of course she’s going to throw a tantrum, call you names and swear at you! That’s what drunk people do when they get defensive! There’s no point in trying to talk to them.

You answered your own question. When she’s sober, she’s great. Ergo, talk to her about her behavior then and bring up your concerns.

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