Tag Archives: snooping

“Jaw With John” – Girlfriend Has Marked Her Territory

I have recently found myself in a sticky situation with my boyfriend. We met six months ago through a mutual (female) friend. This person is my roommate — and my boyfriend’s best friend.

From the beginning I was proactive about not putting her in the middle of our relationship because I didn’t want to harm any of our friendships.

I had suspicions that they were conversing about our relationship, even though he has told me that he doesn’t tell her things about us.

I went snooping into his phone to satisfy my suspicions and found a mountain of texts about me between the two of them.

Most of the texts were harmless, but a few were alarming because of what he said about needing space from me. He said I’ve become too territorial.

When talking with him he denies wanting alone time and diminishes any fear of my being clingy.

Since I’ve gotten myself stuck between two very different opinions, what do I do? Should I let it go and hope he’s honest with me, or confront his dishonesty?

— Sadly Stuck

Dear Stuck:

The very fact that you were snooping implies that you are territorial. So you lose that battle. Sidebar: Doesn’t anyone lock their phone anymore?!? How does this keep happening to people? Someone can easily open their phone, read their messages and/or emails…what?!?

Relationships are personal and you want to keep it as such. Your boyfriend obviously needed someone to vent to and tell things that might’ve been bothering him at the time. Maybe they’re not bothering him anymore, or else words would have been exchanged. He clearly values this friends opinion and wanted to share his thoughts with someone he has known a long time AND lives with his girlfriend. Because she has insight into your mind as not only your friend but as a roommate too.

In the grand scheme of things, did he say anything that was defamatory? Since you’re focusing on him saying that he needs some space, I am going to to go ahead and assume that the answer is “No.” If that’s the case then you can take a step back and examine your relationship and see if you are being clingy and territorial (because it sounds like you are).

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“Jaw With John” – Covering Up Private Parts

I frequently read in your column about people snooping into their partner’s e-mail or texts and how that is a breach of privacy. I disagree.
No part of either my phone or computer is private from my husband.

He is too lazy to log out of my Facebook account and into his, so he just reads mine (he never comments for me, though). If I wanted to hide any portion of my personal life from him, I think it would mean that I was doing or thinking something that I shouldn’t. If we live authentic, honest lives, there is nothing to hide. Our privacy should be shared privacy.

Please explain what is wrong with my thinking. — Confused Reader

Dear Confused:
What’s wrong with your thinking? Look at your verbiage there. You use the word “snooping” which already implies that you’re going through things you shouldn’t.

As for your husband, I agree with you that he is just too lazy to log out of Facebook OR he just doesn’t remember his password and continues to use your account. I’m gonna go with forgotten password here.

It bothers me that you believe that even thinking something you shouldn’t is wrong. Are you one of those guys from Scanners where if you think about exploding someone’s head you will? Oh, you’re not? Well then, that just sounds ridiculous.

You also say that “if we live authentic, honest lives, there is nothing to hide.” Well, let me tell you something Rocky Balboa told his son in Rocky Balboa: “The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows.” There is always something to hide. Whether or not you choose to share that is entirely up to you.

Privacy is not about “hiding” things from other people, it’s about keeping things to yourself because they are personal or, stay with me here, private. Respect that others feel this way and stay away from my phone … and computer … and my craigslist account. Better yet, just stay away from me entirely.

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