Tag Archives: Sister

Dear John: Brother Needs To Take A Pregnant Pause Before Delivering News

Would it be rude to announce my wife’s pregnancy before her sister’s wedding next week? Do I need to wait until afterward, or is good news always welcome?

— GOOD NEWS IN THE MIDWEST

Dear Good News,

Yes, it would be rude. Don’t do it.

Before my sister got married I found out that I was accepted into an internship in South Africa, leaving a a week after her wedding. I didn’t tell her, or anyone besides my mom, until after the wedding because I didn’t want people to find out and focus their attention on me and what I was going to be doing.

I also didn’t tell anyone else in my family until I sent them an email when I boarded the plane to Johannesburg. It was fun to check my email 13+ hours later and see dozens of replies and forwards with some variation of “What!?!?”

You can wait until after your sister’s wedding to tell your friends and family that your wife is pregnant.

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“Jaw With John” – Living Alone But Not Lonely

I’m having some difficulties with my siblings. Recently I’ve moved into my own place. I love it.

The problem is that because I live alone, my siblings believe that I’m somehow lonely. They keep trying to get me to go on blind dates with people they know, and saying stuff like, “You should meet this guy, he’s great.” Or, “How can you spend so much time by yourself? When are you going to have kids? You’ll make a great mom.”

I’ve been turning them down so often that some of them have shifted to, “You should meet this girl I know,” which is even more annoying because I’m straight.

The thing of it is, my parents got divorced when I was a preteen and ever since then, I took care of other people — my younger siblings, my older sibling’s children, and a parent who was ill.

For the first time in my life, the only person I have to take care of is me, and I’m in no rush to change that. Does that seem selfish? — Solitary and Happy Sister

Dear Sister:

Selfish? Nah. You seem content and happy with who you are. In turn, people who are happy in relationships – your siblings perhaps – feel the need to impose their version of happiness onto you. In their eyes if you are not experiencing the same happiness as them, then you are not happy – ergo they keep trying to set you up on dates and meet people. It’s annoying but they are only looking out for you and want you to be happy.

Tell them what you just told me. You are cherishing this newfound solitude and want to enjoy it before rushing into anything.

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“Jaw With John” – Might Not Be The Happiest Place On Earth For A Birthday

So, my sister’s 18th birthday is in a couple of weeks, and my parents are going to surprise her with a trip to Disney!

We live about six hours away, so it’s not a travel hassle, and we all think it’s a great idea, but … my sister is not good with surprises, and she can be, ungracious.

She doesn’t want our parents to spend a lot of money on her, so she just wants to see a movie on her birthday, but we all know that would be seriously depressing.

My parents say if she isn’t gracious about it, they’ll cancel the trip, and everyone will then be mad at her.

Should I warn my sister in advance, tell her what’s going to happen? Or, say nothing, and watch it blow up? — Birthday Brooder

Dear Brooder:

Disney what? Land? World? Paris? Tokyo? Hong Kong? You’ve got to be more specific here.

You clearly need to talk with your parents and have them ask your sister if she would like to do this. This would eliminate the surprise element of it all and also leave it open for another possible trip if she doesn’t want to go there for her birthday.

I for one would LOVE a surprise Disneyland trip for my birthday – just throwing that out there for anyone listening.

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“Jaw With John” – Daddy’s Girl Is Still Grieving

I am 27 years old. I have always been a daddy’s girl. My dad and I were extremely close until his passing almost three years ago after a three-year battle with cancer.

Before this, my parents had been married for 30 years. Recently my mother has been talking on her phone way more than usual, and I asked my sister whom she was talking to. Apparently this guy has been coming around and taking her on trips out of town and such.

When I first heard this I was very bothered. I’m writing because my boyfriend is saying I’m being selfish for not approving of this. I’m still grieving, so why isn’t she? Please help me understand and be possibly close to being OK with this. Is my boyfriend right? — Daddy’s Girl.

Dear Daddy’s Girl:

Everyone grieves differently and for varying lengths of time. You don’t sound all that close to your mother. Getting second hand news shows you aren’t truly connected to her. It can be hard to move on after someone you love has passed and the paths that you and your mom are taking are very different.

You can’t tell your mom to not seek out happiness just because you are still in pain. That is being selfish.

I’ll be frank, three years is an awfully long time to be grieving. From my own experience, losing someone is awful and yes the pain and the hole that person left is still there but you cannot let that take hold of your life. You need to find a way to move on. As much as you’d like to, you can’t live in the past.

You clearly need to address this with her and tell her how you’re feeling and discuss your father. He was an important man in both of your lives and someone that important should be talked about.

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“Jaw With John” – Sister Doesn’t Need Chitchat

My sister (in her early 40s) was diagnosed with cancer.

They caught it early, so it’s still at an early stage. We in the family all found out about this a few weeks ago.

I have messaged her and her husband a few times since then to chitchat, but never asked them about the cancer.

I feel like if they want to talk about it or need my help, I will be there. It is understood by everyone in my family that we will help each other if asked.

My sister and I haven’t spoken for a week, and I found out from my other sister that my brother-in-law called me rude and not supportive because I didn’t offer to help.

I have two young children, and the younger one was constantly sick. I also work full time and am dealing with a dying father-in-law.

I don’t have the memory capacity or time to follow up on them all the time. Was I being rude? — Hurt

Dear Hurt:

I don’t want to say you were rude but……..you screwed up.

You were trying to be tact and it ended up coming across like you didn’t care when it’s quite the opposite. I believe what you were trying to do was to take your sister’s mind off her recent bad news by talking about other things but she clearly didn’t want to hear about such nonsense. She wanted to hear you express your love and support for her in this trying time.

Call your sister back and tell her that you are behind her 100% because she needs you, and the rest of her family, now more than ever.

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