Tag Archives: single

“Jaw With John” – Single But Not Alone

I am a single senior male, divorced for over 40 years. NO I’m not gay. NO I don’t hate women. NO I’m not abusive to anyone or frightening to children and puppies.

I am happy and healthy being single. I have many friends, and I am not lonely. When I meet people and the subject of being single for a long time comes up, the usual response is, “I’m so sorry. Don’t give up, you will meet someone.”

My life has been, and is, very fulfilling. I’d like to respond by saying, “I’m so sorry for you. Maybe someday you will be a whole person with a whole life — rather than half of something.”

That would be rude, but do you have any answers for a response? — Happy Singleton

Dear Singleton:

Have you ever tried saying “I’m happy being single”? There’s no reason to be rude here. But I’ll admit, it can be a bit demeaning to hear people say “You’ll meet someone”, over and over again.

If that happens, be like Jay-Z and brush that dirt off your shoulder and respond that you are comfortable being single.

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“Jaw With John” – Son Is A Regular Don Jon

Both my husband and I are professionals. We live in a beautiful and affluent part of the country.

We have two sons, ages 14 and 10. Some time ago we discovered that our older son had accessed pornography by creating a false account on our computer. After confessing, he seemed contrite, promised us that he wouldn’t do it again, and we decided to give him another chance.

A few months later we gave him a smartphone for his 14th birthday, but we chose one that didn’t have many bells and whistles. We made him sign the contract, and (just for good measure) I asked my younger son to hold on to the locked phone once the boys came home from school.

I found out yesterday that on the days that my younger son was at school for after-school activities, my older son was home watching porn. My husband and I are stunned, shocked, repulsed, and have no idea where to go.

We are worried that if I enroll him in a group for porn addiction, he will learn other things that we would rather he not be exposed to. I am trying to find research about this, but am not getting the information I am seeking. Other than this, my son gets all As, plays a sport, reads voraciously, and in general appears to be a responsible kid. — Very Worried Mom

Dear Mom:

What does your location and income have to do with any of this? Are you trying to imply that what is going on with your son isn’t normally a problem associated with the affluent and those living in a “beautiful part of the country”? You’re trying to make a correlation that just isn’t there.

Why would you give him a smartphone? That seems like a way to exacerbate the situation. Why not give him a flip phone? It’s the safer alternative given your fears. I didn’t receive a phone until I was 15 and a freshman in high school. Young kids don’t need phones. I see 6 and 8-year-olds walking around staring at their phones (causing future neck and back problems) and they are disconnected with the world and it’s just … another story for another time.

Now that I’ve got the phone part out of the way, I want to address the other – more important – part. The porn.

Maybe he’s just super horny.

My initial response is “boys will be boys.” Because as a 14-year-old he’s starting to fully experience hormones and that includes finding and watching porn. But that would be too dismissive.

Listen, you said so yourself he does well in school and stays out of trouble. So what’s the problem? He’s not dabbling in drugs or getting drunk or stealing things from the Piggly Wiggly. He’s watching porn. Yes, I know porn can have negative effects on the developing brain of a young adult. It can also represent an unhealthy version of what sex actually is. Because it isn’t what porn depicts – at least not today’s version of it. If anything that is what you need to address with him and not this “addiction” because when it comes to it your son needs to know what he is seeing is not real and that is not how someone should treat a woman or women in the real world.

Then again, I’m the guy who wrote his senior capstone mockumentary about professionals in the adult film industry called Adult Content. I also worked on the Joseph Gordon-Levitt film Don Jon  – a film about this very topic! So maybe I’m not the best person to be getting advice from on this topic. And since I like to keep things 100 here at Jaw With John, I will admit that in high school and into college I watched a considerable amount of porn but still managed to do well in school and graduate. SO there’s hope.

I realize I’m not helping in the slightest so I will close with this: If after telling him to stop he continues to watch porn and you catch him then you need to sit down and talk with him.

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“Jaw With John” – Don’t Believe In Any Of This Fate Crap

‘Bart’ and I dated in high school. After graduation we went our separate ways. We each married and had children. Eventually we both got divorced and started to date each other again.

A couple of years later we lost contact because we moved to different states. He got married again and it did not work out so he divorced. We did not see each other for two more years.

A couple of months ago we searched for each other and finally met up again. We are both 54 years old.

I am still single but he is seeing a girl on and off. He said she was there for him when he was going through his nasty divorce.

This other girl is separated from her husband (but not divorced). It is now three times that he and I lost contact and were able to find each other again.

Now we are back in each other’s arms. I told him I want someone who is not seeing anyone else. He said he is not going to marry this girl or even live with her, but he can’t just walk away. Now he is seeing both of us.

I want to call it a day and walk away but he said we are destined to be together. I can’t get him off my mind.

Please tell me what to do! — Helpless

Dear Helpless:

If this were a John Cusack movie I would tell you that this is destiny. But it’s not. This is real life. And in real life there is no destiny, only coincidences.

Didn’t you watch The Matrix?

You’re in control of your own life and not some mystical force. Bart is on his own path as well and you need to let him go. Call it a day. Don’t be the “Other Woman” here and live your life.

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“Jaw With John” – You Sandbaggin’ Son Of A Bitch!

I am a thirtysomething bachelor facing two out-of-town weddings without a date. The only people I’ll know at either event are the bride and groom.

Attending both weddings will require air travel and hotel rooms, and both are likely to be very full weekends.

In short, without a date, these could be deadly. Would it be horrible if I declined? — Singled Out

Dear Singled:

So lemme get this straight: You’re single and going to a wedding out-of-town where you only know the bride & groom. How is this a problem?

Go to the weddings and “grab that net and catch that beautiful butterfly pal!”

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“Jaw With John” – Fiancee Needs To Know About Husband-To-Be

I was dating someone on and off for five years. He broke up with me suddenly last summer but we have hooked up (sexually) since then.

I found out three weeks ago that he had been seeing someone else that entire time and that they became engaged just after he broke it off with me, which makes me a wholly blindsided “other woman.”

So he cheated on his girlfriend with me almost the entire time they were together and continued to cheat on her after they became engaged. He always maintained that he was single and that she was “just a friend.”

Needless to say, I am devastated. It has come to my attention that even though his parents know the truth, he has not told his fiancee about me.

I feel sick over the whole thing and I think it’s very important that she know the truth about whom she is marrying, as the wedding is fast approaching.

Is there some way for me to let her know what’s going on without looking like I’m some vindictive, crazy ex-girlfriend just looking for revenge?

If I were in her position I would want to know. I don’t know what to do. I bet I feel guiltier about it than he does!

Also, how do I get past this? I still can’t believe it has happened, and I can’t believe someone I cared about so much and trusted completely could have acted this way and kept it up for so long. — Bewildered in Baltimore

Dear Bewildered:

There is no way to come out of this looking good. You can’t force other people to feel a certain way about you. It’s just not possible.

You definitely need to tell the fiancee who she is about to marry. You can’t text, email, or call her. You need to tell her face-to-face something like this: “I had been with your fiance off and on for the last few years. All the while he maintained that you were ‘just a friend’ and he led me to believe that he was still single.” How she reacts from there is beyond you. You would’ve let her know and what follows will be her responsibility.

As for yourself, take some “Me time” and cut him out of your life completely. Go to a spa or do whatever you need to make yourself feel good to move on from this guy.

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