Tag Archives: RSVP

“Jaw With John” – There Goes The Neighborhood? Nah

I live in a neighborhood of 10 houses. Half of the residents are over 55 and others are in their 30s. Every year one of the “older” residents has a Christmas party and a summer barbecue. She sends out invitations requesting an RSVP. The newer neighbors either don’t RSVP until the day before, or RSVP earlier and either cancel or don’t show.

It’s almost as if they wait to see if a better offer comes up. If she runs into someone who hasn’t RSVP’d and asks if they are coming, they tell her, “will let her know.” Is this a generational thing? Are they so busy they forget? Are they constantly weighing their options? Or are they so pompous that they think their presence is a gift to the rest of us and we should tolerate their lack of consideration. And we wonder where the old neighborhoods have gone! — Glad I’m Not Hosting

Dear Glad:

Sadly, this is how most of my generation, and those close to my age, respond to events.

They will linger until the last possible moment and then go “Oh yeah… I can go to that…I’ve got nothing else going on.” Most people won’t RSVP unless it says that it’s required of them. If it’s written on there “Must reply by MM/DD” then that might spur them to make concrete plans. It works for me if I am ever wavering going to an event. But, I know for me, if I RSVP to something that I am attending – I attend. Sometimes there are instances that arise last minute that cause me not to show up and that might be the case with some of these cancellations.

It is important to remember that some people are so busy that they forget. Their lives aren’t all about BBQ’s and neighborhood parties. They have other things going on in their lives. But don’t think that your generation is above it all because some of these things may have also been done by people your age as well. If you do, then it will get awfully lonely in your ivory tower.

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“Jaw With John” – RSVPeeved

My daughter and her boyfriend got married this past weekend. The ceremony was beautiful and they worked very hard to make sure everything was just right. They also paid for the whole thing; though it was a low-key affair, there was still considerable expense.

What shocked me was the number of guests who RSVP’d that they would be attending, but then didn’t show up. This meant that a lot of money was spent on food, beverages and favors that went to waste.

I know sometimes people think, “Well, I’m just one person so it won’t make that much difference,” but if you multiply that by 10 or 20 people, it adds up! I find it incredibly rude and feel that they owe her and her husband an apology.

Outside of calling them out on Facebook or jokingly saying they’ll get a bill for their portion of the food, I know there’s nothing to be done. I just wonder if this is the “new way” and manners just don’t matter anymore. Your thoughts? — Furious

Dear Furious:

I’m sure your daughter knows who did and did not show up so they could be hearing from her if she’s so inclined to do so. But it’s not your arena. You shouldn’t do anything, no matter how rude it is – and it’s very rude. There isn’t a “new way” for manners. Rude is rude.

Sometimes there are genuine last-minute reasons why someone can’t make an event. If that’s the case with some of these then an explanation and apology is simple. But those that just blew off the wedding entirely are the ones you need to look out for and see if they are the type of people wanted at other milestone-type events.

Or, the other way you can look at it is “Hey, look! More food and booze for me!”

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