Tag Archives: relationships

“Jaw With John” – A Potential One That Got Away Shouldn’t Anchor You Down

“I have been with my boyfriend for two years. Until recently, we were inseparable and I loved his company. I got a job that required me to temporarily relocate and be on my own, so we saw each other only every other week. During that time, I gained a better understanding of who I am and how I want to spend my time.

Since then, I have realized that my boyfriend and I may not be as compatible as I once thought. We discussed it, and he’s willing to do anything to make it work. But some things can’t be changed, such as his interests and small quirks he has. I’m having a hard time because I want to break things off, but then I worry that he could be “the one that got away.” Any advice would be appreciated. — LOOKING FOR THE ONE

Dear Looking,

It looks as though absence did not make your heart grow fonder.

You’ve had the opportunity to take a step back and examine things from a far. And from that distance, you’ve seen that maybe this thing you thought was a well-oiled machine was in fact being held together by duct tape and bubble gum.

You shouldn’t be with someone because they may end up being “the one that got away.” That’s not fair to you or your boyfriend. It would be cheating you and him out of potential happiness somewhere else. It sounds like it’s time to let him go and let him find someone who shares his interests and enjoys his quirks.

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“Jaw With John” – Banging Heads, Locking Lips

My girlfriend pins me up against a wall to kiss me every chance she gets. What does this mean? — Lip Locked In L.A.

Dear Lip Locked,

It means she wears the pants in this relationship.

I kid, I kid. It probably means that she’s into that sort of thing and is a bit of a dom… or she saw it somewhere and decided to try it on you.

If you don’t like it then you better speak up or else you’re going to get a concussion from all that headbangin’ (and I don’t mean the other head! zing!). If you do like it, then by all means speak up! Communication is essential in relationships and being intimate.

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“Jaw With John” – Confused Feelings For An Ex

I broke up with my boyfriend about six months ago. We were in a relationship for four months, and the entire time it was like we were just friends. He was scared to advance the relationship, so I ended it.

Now I am starting to develop feelings for him again, and I realize that I made a horrible mistake.

All of my friends hate him, so they kept pressuring me to break up with him. They have very bad judgment and never took the time to get to know him. At the time, I was angry at him for ditching me in the middle of a date because it was “too awkward.” But, nevertheless, I have feelings again. What should I do?

— Confused

Dear Confused,

I’m surprised you let it last four months without taking things to the next step. Personally, I was in one of those. It only lasted a month before I realized that the girl was only looking for a friend to hangout with, so I ended things. I wasn’t going to be strung along looking for a relationship while she was using me to do stuff and go places.

Why do you want to be strung along?

He clearly didn’t look at you the same way that you did. He, also, was unwilling to deepen your bond by becoming more intimate. What has changed in you? Do you feel that you can change him? Are you Jack from Lost in that you need someone to fix something at all times? (Timely reference, I know)

Hey, those feelings of having made a mistake are natural. I’d like to think that the woman who just broke up with me is rethinking her actions but she probably isn’t. She’s probably moved on and looking to date other guys…I digress. But if the relationship with this guy is like playing tennis against a curtain, then I think it’s time to look elsewhere.

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“Jaw With John” – Girlfriend’s Strength Has Got Him Pinned

I’m an average guy, fitness-wise. My girlfriend, always naturally sporty, has been at the gym for a year. Our fitness paths collided when I was enjoying a coffee with her and her training partner at home.

On prompting by her trainer, my girlfriend flexed and her bicep popped up so high my eyes bulged. Her partner then prodded me to flex. I didn’t want to, as I knew my muscle wasn’t as developed. The partner felt both our flexed arms and declared mine softer. She then pushed us to arm wrestle.

I am 3 inches taller than she and I am a man, so I thought I should win. Anyway, after two times on the right and once on the left, I ended up with the back of my hand securely pinned down to the table — to their extreme delight. I feel extremely embarrassed.

This has changed the dynamics in our relationship. She will now teasingly flex when she wants something. And she enjoys challenging me in public. I have now been defeated in arm wrestling in front of her parents and a group of her girlfriends. It’s hard to adjust.

— Outmuscled

Dear Outmuscled,

There’s a part of me that wants to tell you “Get over it and laugh it off” because physical strength isn’t everything. But you seem to believe that you have been stripped of your masculinity because of this situation. That sucks.

I’m comparing apples to oranges here, but if a girl beat me I’d shrug it off and go “Damn! She’s strong!” and yeah, I do know some very strong women – one of them plays semi-professional football so she’s tough. But … that’s me. Back to you.

Your girlfriend is proud of her strength and she likes to flex her muscles, pun intended. But it comes at a cost, and that cost is you. Tell her that you find it embarrassing, demeaning and that you would not be subjecting her to the same treatment if the roles were reversed (at least, I hope you wouldn’t) and go from there. Or you could hit the gym yourself and give her a taste of her own medicine…better to go with the first option.

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“Jaw With John” – Girlfriend Has Marked Her Territory

I have recently found myself in a sticky situation with my boyfriend. We met six months ago through a mutual (female) friend. This person is my roommate — and my boyfriend’s best friend.

From the beginning I was proactive about not putting her in the middle of our relationship because I didn’t want to harm any of our friendships.

I had suspicions that they were conversing about our relationship, even though he has told me that he doesn’t tell her things about us.

I went snooping into his phone to satisfy my suspicions and found a mountain of texts about me between the two of them.

Most of the texts were harmless, but a few were alarming because of what he said about needing space from me. He said I’ve become too territorial.

When talking with him he denies wanting alone time and diminishes any fear of my being clingy.

Since I’ve gotten myself stuck between two very different opinions, what do I do? Should I let it go and hope he’s honest with me, or confront his dishonesty?

— Sadly Stuck

Dear Stuck:

The very fact that you were snooping implies that you are territorial. So you lose that battle. Sidebar: Doesn’t anyone lock their phone anymore?!? How does this keep happening to people? Someone can easily open their phone, read their messages and/or emails…what?!?

Relationships are personal and you want to keep it as such. Your boyfriend obviously needed someone to vent to and tell things that might’ve been bothering him at the time. Maybe they’re not bothering him anymore, or else words would have been exchanged. He clearly values this friends opinion and wanted to share his thoughts with someone he has known a long time AND lives with his girlfriend. Because she has insight into your mind as not only your friend but as a roommate too.

In the grand scheme of things, did he say anything that was defamatory? Since you’re focusing on him saying that he needs some space, I am going to to go ahead and assume that the answer is “No.” If that’s the case then you can take a step back and examine your relationship and see if you are being clingy and territorial (because it sounds like you are).

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