Tag Archives: relationship

“Jaw With John” – V-Day Sheds Light On Girlfriend

I took my girlfriend of two months out for Valentine’s Day. I picked her up, meeting her with chocolates in hand, and we went out. We had a good time and naturally I paid for the event, food and drinks. OK. I’m fine with that.

We returned to her place and chatted as we held each other, and I managed slip into the conversation that I didn’t receive a Valentine’s gift from her. She brushed it off with some words and a smile. I drove home with pursed lips.

Isn’t Valentine’s Day supposed to be a two-way street? How should I handle this? — Jilted

Dear Jilted:

I once “dated” a girl for a month (about a date per week, with texting/messaging throughout the week) only to be told on the 4th, and final, date that she didn’t like me “that way.” She was happy to go out with me, have me buy food, movie tickets, go mini golfing etc. but didn’t want anything more. Needless to say it was a long train ride back home when she told me that.

It was also on that train that I decided to end things with her.

This is your train ride.

You need to think back over the last two months and wonder if she’s really meant for you. You know what? I’ll stop you right there. She’s not for you. It’s time to move on. Her not reciprocating Valentine’s Day, not even a card, draws a red flag. Her trying to talk her way out of it sends out flares. Bye Felicia.

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“Jaw With John” – Bro, Your Girlfriend Sucks. Time For A New One

My nephew “Hugo” was invited to his friend’s wedding. The bride’s family has limited the number of guests, so Hugo cannot bring a companion. Hugo’s girlfriend of about a year and a half (“Martha”) told Hugo he is “disrespecting their relationship” because he plans to go to the wedding without her.

Martha also said Hugo is being treated like a “B-list guest” because he did not receive his invitation until a couple of weeks before the wedding, rather than six weeks in advance, and should protest by not going. (The friend did send out a “save the date” notice months ago.)

Martha barely knows the groom. I don’t see how Hugo’s going to the wedding amounts to disrespecting their relationship, nor do I think Hugo is being treated like a B-list guest. Am I wrong? Shouldn’t he feel free to go to the wedding if he wants to? — A Meddling Aunt

Dear Aunt:

Martha sounds like a total Basic Bitch.

The invitation/guest limit clearly says that she can’t go, and she doesn’t know the groom that well anyway, but since she can’t go Hugo shouldn’t? She sounds like a drama queen and should be kicked to the curb immediately.

I fail to see how he’s “disrespecting their relationship” by going without her. He’s respecting the wedding party’s wishes. There are always lots of single and sometimes-desperate-because-they’re-seeing-their-friends-getting-married-girls at weddings. Get on with your bad self Hugo!

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“Jaw With John” – Wean Boyfriend Off Home

I am in a new relationship. We are very much in love and have similar values and relationship goals.

I am 35 and have been living on my own for over 10 years. My boyfriend is 30 and has never lived on his own. He is Chinese-American and has said that he still lives at home for cultural reasons. We have made the decision to move in together, but now we have run into problems.

He is having a harder time adjusting to this change than I expected. I was practically thrown out the door as a young adult, encouraged strongly to build a life on my own. Therefore I lack the empathy needed to understand his point of view. He isn’t moving across the country (like I did) — he’s moving only 10 miles away!

I’m hurt and think he is no longer excited about taking this step. I feel rejected and sad on the nights he chooses to sleep back at his home. What can we do to get through this? — Lonely at Home

Dear Lonely:

Just because he’s having a hard time adjusting, doesn’t mean he isn’t happy.

You’re, admittedly, not making this easy on him by lacking empathy. If you think it’s harder on you than it is him then you need to look outside yourself and see what’s really going on. In some cultures it is perfectly acceptable for a child to live with their parents until they get married. He seems to be in a transitional period and needs some time to figure things out. This isn’t Failure To Launch though, I am certain of that.

You could always move further away so that he’d have to take a plane or train to sleep at home, but you’re not that cruel … Are you?

You will need to address this issue with him and see what YOU can do to help make him feel more comfortable in his new home. Wean him off sleeping at home and openly discuss what he wants out of this relationship and then go from there. It’ll be a process, but if you truly love him and want to be with him then you will do whatever you can to make it work.

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“Jaw With John” – He’s Got You By The Ovaries

My boyfriend and I have been dating for six years. He is 26 and I am 23. We live together and share everything. We have talked about marriage and kids many times, but we seem to have different opinions. He says we might get married, but then he changes his mind.

He sees us as pretty much “married” already (but without legal documentation) and he’s worried about our financial status if we get married. He says he’ll feel really old if we get married and that he wants to “experience life” before he gives it up for a kid.

I told him if he ever asked me to marry him I would say yes and if he wanted kids I would have them. I don’t want to push him away, but I want to be bound to him legally and religiously.

For now, we are relying on his parents financially. I just want to know for sure if we’ll take things to the next level. If not, I will stay with him regardless, I guess. How should I approach this? — Confused

Dear Confused:

So, lemme get this straight, you’ve been dating since you were 17 and he was 20? … Was that legal? Or did you Age of Extinction me and find out about Romeo & Juliet laws? Either way, I digress.

Your boyfriend talks about feeling “really old” when he gets married (NEWSFLASH: it means you’re getting older when you get married!) and wanting to “experience life” (Sounds like he doesn’t want to be tied down, maybe he’s got something on the side?) before all of that and it makes me believe that he really doesn’t want to get married or have kids at all. He has said he doesn’t want them any time soon but you two are far too young to be getting married, having kids, living on your own etc. and given that you are still looking to his parents for financial help … I don’t think marriage or a baby is right for you. Pump the brakes on the ol’ baby-maker.

Whoa whoa whoa. I just noticed something else: You want this relationship to go to the next level but you’re willing to stick with the status quo regardless … You’re a tough one to crack. You want marriage and a baby, but only if he does. You don’t want to push him away, but you can’t leave him. He seems to have you by the (female version of) balls (ovaries?). He knows what you want but won’t give in. You’re trapped in this relationship and you need to take a hard look in the mirror and see what you want and then tell your boyfriend how you’re feeling. Only then can you move forward.

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“Jaw With John” – That Girl Is Poison

I have a friend who is not really a friend at all. We attend graduate school together. What started out as being in the same study group and saying “hello” in the hallway has turned into a toxic relationship that I can’t endure.

“Emily” always has a million problems, which she deems much worse than what anyone else is going through. For instance, when I told her my childhood pet was very sick and needed to be put to sleep, she told me to “quit throwing myself a pity party” because she had “real” problems.

I have tried just listening politely to her problems, then started distancing myself from her, but this only led to her becoming needier.

She regularly asks for updates on where I am, what I’m doing, what I’m eating, etc., and passes judgment on all aspects of my life.

I have gently informed her I am an adult and do not appreciate this unsolicited advice or being burdened with her problems, but nothing seems to work. I do not know what else to do.

The school is small, and we still have a few years left together, so I don’t want to blow her off completely and risk seeming unprofessional, but I also can’t tolerate her anymore. Do you have suggestions for “breaking up” with her as gracefully as possible? — Fed Up with “Frenemy”

Dear Fed Up:

Do what I did to a few girls I briefly dated: just slowly cut off communication with them so that they get the hint. Yes, I know, I’m an asshole for doing that and I’ve since learned that’s now how a relationship should end. But this girl sounds like she needs this exact treatment. Wean her off of you because “that girl is poison.”

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