Tag Archives: relationship

“Jaw With John” – Marriage Contingency Plan

My partner of three years and I are very happy together and love each other. We are in our mid-20s, live together and have discussed future plans, although neither of us feels ready for marriage yet.

We both agree that in the next five to 10 years, we’d like to be married with kids. My qualm is this: He doesn’t think that a lifelong commitment is realistic. He thinks that after an unspecified amount of time divorce or unhappiness are inevitable and that no two people can sustain a happy relationship “forever.”

I almost want to ask if he sees himself married (to anyone) and keeping separate retirement accounts — but he might actually think that’s a good idea.

Can you suggest a more level-headed approach? I want to know if I’m wasting my time with someone who does not want the same future I do.

There are good reasons people split up, but I think making this commitment with an exit plan creates a self-fulfilling prophecy.

What do you think? — Anxious

Dear Anxious:

He’s right about one thing: that no two people can sustain a happy relationship forever. That’s impossible. There will be ups and downs but if there truly is a connection then the storm can be weathered together.

My question to you is why do you want to be with someone who is so negative about the long term? This shows that he doesn’t believe that you and he will be together forever. If you still want to go through with marriage then you should have a contingency plan for that inevitable exit. Keep your finances separate and your ear to the ground.

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“Jaw With John” – So, You Failed To Create A Love Triangle

My boyfriend and I have been dating for four years and I love him, but things have seemed boring for a while now. A guy from work started flirting with me. We exchanged numbers. I told him I had a boyfriend, but we still talked.

One night he called me, upset about his past relationship. He had been drinking, so I was worried and went to his place to cheer him up. We ended up making out (that was not my intention), but I started to feel wanted again.

Fast-forward two weeks and he doesn’t talk to me anymore. We used to text multiple times a day and he would call me every day.

I’m just confused as to what this guy wants from me. I also want to know if it’s worth it to mess up what I have with my boyfriend by breaking it off with him to try things with this new guy, who doesn’t want a relationship. To be honest, I only wanted something physical with this guy anyway. I’m just not sure what to do. — Confused

Dear Confused:

He’s not into you.

I recently met a girl who was awesome in every way. We clicked on our senses of humor, likes & dislikes etc. Then the conversations and messages were spaced further and further apart until they stopped altogether. I got the hint that she wasn’t interested anymore and I deleted her number. You’re also clearly not that invested in your boyfriend since you go around making out with co-workers so it’s probably time to cut him loose as well.

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“Jaw With John” – Girlfriend Has Marked Her Territory

I have recently found myself in a sticky situation with my boyfriend. We met six months ago through a mutual (female) friend. This person is my roommate — and my boyfriend’s best friend.

From the beginning I was proactive about not putting her in the middle of our relationship because I didn’t want to harm any of our friendships.

I had suspicions that they were conversing about our relationship, even though he has told me that he doesn’t tell her things about us.

I went snooping into his phone to satisfy my suspicions and found a mountain of texts about me between the two of them.

Most of the texts were harmless, but a few were alarming because of what he said about needing space from me. He said I’ve become too territorial.

When talking with him he denies wanting alone time and diminishes any fear of my being clingy.

Since I’ve gotten myself stuck between two very different opinions, what do I do? Should I let it go and hope he’s honest with me, or confront his dishonesty?

— Sadly Stuck

Dear Stuck:

The very fact that you were snooping implies that you are territorial. So you lose that battle. Sidebar: Doesn’t anyone lock their phone anymore?!? How does this keep happening to people? Someone can easily open their phone, read their messages and/or emails…what?!?

Relationships are personal and you want to keep it as such. Your boyfriend obviously needed someone to vent to and tell things that might’ve been bothering him at the time. Maybe they’re not bothering him anymore, or else words would have been exchanged. He clearly values this friends opinion and wanted to share his thoughts with someone he has known a long time AND lives with his girlfriend. Because she has insight into your mind as not only your friend but as a roommate too.

In the grand scheme of things, did he say anything that was defamatory? Since you’re focusing on him saying that he needs some space, I am going to to go ahead and assume that the answer is “No.” If that’s the case then you can take a step back and examine your relationship and see if you are being clingy and territorial (because it sounds like you are).

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“Jaw With John” – How Could You Be So Heartless!?

I am 29 years old and have been dating a man in his early 30s for more than six months. We met, felt an instant connection and began dating fairly seriously shortly afterward.

He is wonderful, kind, loving and giving. We have a lot in common and we rarely disagree or fight. I enjoy being with him a lot but I am beginning to feel we would be better off as friends, although I am sure he would want to stay together.

The issue is in the bedroom. We’ve stopped having sex. He seems to brush it off as something that just happens to people. We have had sex only a few times since we started dating. Though he speaks of it like it was amazing, I feel differently. I have asked him to see a doctor, but at this point the relationship is so new that I am not even sure if I want to continue.

I feel like there is no passion and we’re just friends. I wonder at what point am I allowed to throw in the towel without seeming heartless. — Heartless

Dear Heartless:

“How could you be so heartless?”

Girl I’m feelin’ what you feelin’
No more hopin’ and wishin’
I’m bout to stick my key in
Stick it in the ignition

So gimme that toot toot
Lemme give you that beep beep
Runnin’ her hands through my ‘fro
Bouncin’ on 24’s
While they sayin’ on the radio

Ok, enough R. Kelly and Kanye. But if you’re not feelin’ what he feelin’, then you shouldn’t take your key and stick it in his ignition. ‘Nuff said.

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“Jaw With John” – Doting Mother Dotes All Day And Night

My significant other was talked into getting a cellphone by her adult children. We do not live together, but I do spend most evenings with her and I spend the night on the weekends.

Every evening between 6 and 7 a particular daughter feels the need to call, and I end up sitting at the kitchen table eating supper by myself. I can expect calls on the weekend at around 2 in the morning from one of her intoxicated kids requesting a ride.

I told her these calls were disrespectful to me and unless they were of an emergency nature they could be taken after I left. She initially agreed but now she’s back to taking the calls. Should I not have more value than a cellphone? — Miffed

Dear Miffed:

It’s called dinner, not supper. C’mon man.

Have you ever tried not eating between 6 and 7 to avoid this daughter calling during dinner? That would LITERALLY get rid of this problem entirely.

Has this drunk child not heard of Lyft, Uber or a regular old taxi? Would you rather that child drive home drunk? I’m sure you’d rather him or her drink in moderation but that clearly isn’t their endgame.

Her kids, obviously, come before you and this won’t change. She is being nice and giving them a ride when they need one and listening to them when they call. It’s called being a Mom. This is something that you will either accept or it will be a deal-breaker. Just don’t call and tell her. That’s reserved for her kids.

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