Tag Archives: pregnant

“Jaw With John” -Friends Have Pregnant Pause In Friendship

“I used to be very good friends with a colleague. We regularly socialized outside of work, and I was a frequent guest in her home.

This all changed, however, when (in my supervisory role) I followed work protocol and notified our human resources department that she was pregnant.

Even as other colleagues knew she was pregnant, my friend was furious that I informed HR. I don’t think I did anything wrong, but to keep the peace, I apologized to her repeatedly and sincerely.

On the surface, she appeared to accept my apology, but her attitude toward our friendship changed overnight. All interactions outside of work came to an abrupt halt. I thought that she needed time to get over what she regarded as a betrayal, but after several months, this is the new norm.

She recently gave birth and invited me over to meet her new baby. My husband thinks that this is an opportunity to mend fences and has encouraged me to visit her.

I can’t imagine doing this. I have been persona non grata at her house, and in her life, for several months now. The loss of our friendship has been incredibly painful, but I am slowly coming to terms with it.

If I could wave a magic wand and resume our friendship, I would. But because I no longer trust this person with my emotions, keeping my distance seems like the right course of action. Yet I worry that perhaps my husband is right. What do you think I should do? – Upset

Dear Upset,

I can tell you right off the bat that you violated her privacy by telling HR yourself. That’s not your call to make. It’s hers. You should have told her to tell HR and then she could’ve dealt with it her way.

As for the “magic wand” you keep are asking for, her inviting you over is just that.

Advertisements
Tagged , , , , , , ,

“Jaw With John” – When It’s Time To Party, Party Hard … In Moderation

My friend and I were always the party girls in our group, always up for a good time, drinking and dancing until the sun came up. I treasured the close bond we shared and our fun, carefree lifestyle.

I recently became pregnant and my husband and I are thrilled. My party-girl lifestyle has dramatically altered. Although my aforementioned friend is very excited for us, I’m having trouble with her and the lifestyle I used to enjoy.

Every time we go out my friend has numerous cocktails and beers, and the increasing intoxication makes it difficult to have a conversation. If she has gone out the night before, she is hung over and unreliable. I am beginning not to want to spend time with her because I do not like her behavior and attitude.

In a few months we have a planned beach vacation and I am torn. Part of me wants to cancel, simply because I do not want to spend several days watching her get drunk and putting up with her antics. Another part of me understands that I, just a few months ago, was this person as well, whether I like to see the behavior or not. I understand that pregnancy and child-rearing change relationships and perhaps my friend is struggling. I am worried that talking to her about it will start a fight, but keeping it in doesn’t work. What should I do? — Pregnant and Confused

Dear Pregnant:

Are you sure you’re not just reliving some key scenes from Knocked Up?

Your friend clearly hasn’t fully adjusted to your new lifestyle and neither have you. Having a kid is a little bit like graduating from college. You partied for four years and then all of a sudden you can’t anymore and you need to join the real world. It’ll take some time to adjust and learn what you can and cannot continue to do but it will happen. 

You want to spend time with your friend but you can’t do what you’ve been doing. Find new activities to partake in that aren’t booze-related. That should have a trickle down effect and lead to a new dynamic. Don’t get me wrong, you can still party hard every now and then (after the child is born), it just needs to be in moderation. A good lesson for your friend to learn for the future.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

“Jaw With John” – Baby, Baby, Baby Ohhhhhh

My fiance and I have been together for five years. We have a son who is almost 2 years old. We have always talked about having at least one more baby.

My sister-in-law got pregnant (she’ll be having a boy), so I didn’t want to get pregnant and take the spotlight off her first pregnancy. I wanted her time to be special and threw a baby shower for her.

Yesterday my pregnant sister-in-law and I spent the whole day together, and I helped her set up her nursery. Last night I went home and I told my fiance about my day and then we got to talking about having another baby. We asked our son if he wanted a sibling and he said yes. (I know he probably doesn’t know what we are talking about.)

Would it be wrong of me to start trying to get pregnant? We want to give my sister-in-law her time to shine, but helping her yesterday made me realize how badly I wanted another baby. — Lady with Baby Blues

Dear Lady:

No, it wouldn’t be wrong. If you were pregnant at the same time it’d be a little like Father of the Bride Part II where Diane Keaton and Kimberly Williams were pregnant at the same time … minus the Martin Short hijinks. Even if you were to get pregnant right now you would still have few months of a buffer between you and your sister-in-law. You’re kind to let her have her moment in the sun but don’t let her stop you from adding to your family if you want to. I am sure she would be happy for you, and if she wasn’t then that’s her problem.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

“Jaw With John” – She’s Got Pregnancy Brain

My college friend is pregnant with her first child. When I found out she was having a baby, I was thrilled for her and offered to throw the shower (I also hosted her bridal shower a few years ago).

Her first response to my offer? “That would be great! Husband and I have already been talking about this and want to have an evening party with men and women, something nontraditional and more of a party before our lives are turned upside down.” She then started throwing out dates and other details.

I had envisioned an afternoon tea party or a mommy yoga class, but hadn’t made any firm plans. After hearing her response, I immediately got hung up on the etiquette of the situation (wait! doesn’t the hostess determine these details or at least have some input?) and my (sometimes too strongly held) principles.

With her specific and immediate expectations, I feel she would be better off hosting herself! All I want to do is excuse myself and retract my offer, but I don’t know what to say. Should I stick to my guns and refuse to host when she is dictating the terms right off the bat? Or am I being too sensitive and haven’t realized that moms-to-be are totally entitled to plan their own showers? — Old-Fashioned

Dear Old-Fashioned:

I’ve said this before but it bears repeating: no man wants to be a part of a baby shower. So this “non-traditional” party that she wants is a pretty dumb idea. She clearly has “Pregnancy Brain” and is suggesting things that are just plain illogical and downright stupid. “Mommy yoga” isn’t a good idea either, but you’ll think of another one.

You asked if you cold host/plan the party and now she has provided insight into what she wants, which is a dumb party idea, and now you don’t like that she’s pretty much planned the entire thing? Huh? Grow up. She’s taking all of the horrible parts about planning a party (planning) and has told you what to do. How much easier do you need it?

The only problem is that you need to convince her that the men & women baby shower party is an bad awful idea. Other than that, you are being too sensitive. Nudge her in a different direction.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

“Jaw With John” – Baby Got Bump

My husband and I recently learned that we will be great-grandparents! Two of our granddaughters have announced their pregnancies and we are thrilled.

The other day my daughter sent me a picture of her daughter’s four-month baby bump. She was wearing a tight shirt and the bump was quite pronounced.

I realize that I may be from a different generation that “just doesn’t get it,” but anybody with good eyesight (or even not so good eyesight) can see how unattractive pregnant women are nowadays, prancing around in tight shirts.

I really hoped my granddaughters would not wear these fashions. Everybody should take Kate Middleton as a beautiful example.

*My daughter said that my granddaughters are adults with good sense and good taste and the last thing they need is guidance about what to wear. She thinks big pregnant bellies are adorable!

*My husband agrees with me that big bellies are NOT attractive and need to be covered tastefully. I would like to tell my granddaughters what we think.

What should we do? — Upset Great-grandparents

Dear Upset:

Woof. This is a tough one. I’ve learned that you should NEVER tell a pregnant woman anything regarding how she looks, if it’s critical. She will snap your head off like a praying mantis. Having said that, I agree with you on most of your points. I just don’t get it either. It’s not a generational thing.

It’s best to bite your tongue here and wait out the remaining 5 months. But don’t worry! Winter has come! They’ll be layered up in no time so you won’t have to look at their bellies! But seriously, don’t tell them you don’t like seeing their bellies. As Mark said in The RoomLeave your stupid comments in your pocket!

 

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,