Tag Archives: Porn

Dear John: So, You Found A Porno In Your Host’s House

I have had an internship in a new city this summer. My dad’s friend has kindly allowed me to stay in his home while he’s away on a long vacation. He told me I can watch his movies, use his TV, and even have friends visit and sleep on the couch. I am very grateful for his generosity.

He left for his vacation in a rush, and at eye-level, on the DVD shelf, he has a pornographic movie. I have nothing morally against it, but I think it’s something he would be uncomfortable with me seeing.

A friend is coming to visit me next week, and I don’t know what to do about the DVD. What would respect his privacy more: if I don’t touch the film, or if I flip it over to hide the spine?

SURPRISED GUEST

Dear Surprised Guest,

Are you being serious?

You obviously hide it or conceal the title with other movies. I really don’t get why this is so hard.

That’s what she said.

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Dear John: Creeper Dad Found Out Kid’s Friend Does Porn

There is a 31-year-old woman who has been a part of our family since she was a teenager. She and my kids grew up together and they are still good friends.

Her parents are good friends of my wife and me. She is Phi Beta Kappa and graduated magna cum laude from a good college. She has a postgraduate degree from a very prestigious university.

She is in a job she’s had for eight years. She currently makes more than $80,000 a year and is extremely secure.

By an absolutely bizarre twist of fate, I just found out she has been acting in hardcore pornographic videos for the last year, distributed by one of (what I understand is) the biggest production companies in that business. There were 10 pages of her videos when I Googled her stage name.

I am in shock. I am so afraid for her future if her employer, or someone else, makes the same discovery. She’s an adult and is free to make her choices, but if someone makes the connection, in this internet-fueled world, it will follow her for the rest of her life. I’m afraid she’ll lose her job and never be taken seriously as a professional again. I’m afraid for her health and safety.

I have not talked to anyone about this. Whom (if anybody) should I tell? Should I just shut up and let the chips fall where they may? We all love this girl very much, and I’m heartsick. What is the right thing to do?

— Worried Friend

Dear Friend,

“By an absolutely bizarre twist of fate” my ass! You were looking up porn, my man! No need to hide it. It’s OK.

First things first, It’s none of your business. She’s a grown woman who is making her own decisions about her life. She is being safe and is able to balance both of her lives WITHOUT YOU. You are not responsible for her in any way shape or form. It is her life.

Secondly, you’re a creeper.

You list all of these accomplishments she’s received over the years as if that’s supposed to tilt me in your favor. What a loaded question you’ve asked. People can be super successful and want to do other things in their lives. This other thing happens to be porn. Now, before I tell you to pound sand once more I have to ask, what’s her stage name?

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“Jaw With John” – Your Husband Said What Now?

My husband of more than 30 years has erectile dysfunction. When I was overweight I was happy enough not to have relations with him. Now I’ve got control of my health and would like to step it up in the bedroom.

He suggests, regularly, that I seek another partner. Besides being hurt by these requests, I’m fine waiting for him. Now he says that if he knew I was seeing someone else, he would not have to take pills because he’d be aroused at the thought.

I’m stunned and confused. He’s never been into porn. I don’t know where this is coming from. What should I do? — It Got Complicated

Dear Complicated,

Uh, what?

I’m sure that you’ve been down the E.D. pill road and maybe he doesn’t want to do that and if you haven’t then that’s something you can try.

Final thought here because I’m a little limp with how to resolve this (see what I did there?): Role Play. Use that knowledge and try to drum up a lil sexual excitement!

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“Jaw With John” – Son Is A Regular Don Jon

Both my husband and I are professionals. We live in a beautiful and affluent part of the country.

We have two sons, ages 14 and 10. Some time ago we discovered that our older son had accessed pornography by creating a false account on our computer. After confessing, he seemed contrite, promised us that he wouldn’t do it again, and we decided to give him another chance.

A few months later we gave him a smartphone for his 14th birthday, but we chose one that didn’t have many bells and whistles. We made him sign the contract, and (just for good measure) I asked my younger son to hold on to the locked phone once the boys came home from school.

I found out yesterday that on the days that my younger son was at school for after-school activities, my older son was home watching porn. My husband and I are stunned, shocked, repulsed, and have no idea where to go.

We are worried that if I enroll him in a group for porn addiction, he will learn other things that we would rather he not be exposed to. I am trying to find research about this, but am not getting the information I am seeking. Other than this, my son gets all As, plays a sport, reads voraciously, and in general appears to be a responsible kid. — Very Worried Mom

Dear Mom:

What does your location and income have to do with any of this? Are you trying to imply that what is going on with your son isn’t normally a problem associated with the affluent and those living in a “beautiful part of the country”? You’re trying to make a correlation that just isn’t there.

Why would you give him a smartphone? That seems like a way to exacerbate the situation. Why not give him a flip phone? It’s the safer alternative given your fears. I didn’t receive a phone until I was 15 and a freshman in high school. Young kids don’t need phones. I see 6 and 8-year-olds walking around staring at their phones (causing future neck and back problems) and they are disconnected with the world and it’s just … another story for another time.

Now that I’ve got the phone part out of the way, I want to address the other – more important – part. The porn.

Maybe he’s just super horny.

My initial response is “boys will be boys.” Because as a 14-year-old he’s starting to fully experience hormones and that includes finding and watching porn. But that would be too dismissive.

Listen, you said so yourself he does well in school and stays out of trouble. So what’s the problem? He’s not dabbling in drugs or getting drunk or stealing things from the Piggly Wiggly. He’s watching porn. Yes, I know porn can have negative effects on the developing brain of a young adult. It can also represent an unhealthy version of what sex actually is. Because it isn’t what porn depicts – at least not today’s version of it. If anything that is what you need to address with him and not this “addiction” because when it comes to it your son needs to know what he is seeing is not real and that is not how someone should treat a woman or women in the real world.

Then again, I’m the guy who wrote his senior capstone mockumentary about professionals in the adult film industry called Adult Content. I also worked on the Joseph Gordon-Levitt film Don Jon  – a film about this very topic! So maybe I’m not the best person to be getting advice from on this topic. And since I like to keep things 100 here at Jaw With John, I will admit that in high school and into college I watched a considerable amount of porn but still managed to do well in school and graduate. SO there’s hope.

I realize I’m not helping in the slightest so I will close with this: If after telling him to stop he continues to watch porn and you catch him then you need to sit down and talk with him.

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“Jaw With John” – Porn-Loving Husband Isn’t Aroused By Wife

My husband and I have been married for 28 years. We’ve had some ups and downs, but we have three great (adult) kids, a nice house, decent jobs, no debt, and we generally get along well.

A couple of years ago I found out that my husband had been viewing Internet porn. A lot.

I was devastated. I’ve never had great self-esteem where my appearance is concerned, and my husband has never been one to pay compliments.

We went to counseling and he said all the right things. I told him I was crushed by what he was doing and that I needed to know that he finds me physically attractive. I said this often, in sessions and at home.

More than a year later I still don’t get compliments. I know he no longer views porn, and I know that he loves me and appreciates me, but I can’t understand why he can’t do this for me.

I know I am just an average middle-aged woman, but I am not overweight, I take good care of myself, I am involved in many activities. Though I know I’m nowhere near perfect, when I look in the mirror I am OK with what I see. Should I just get over it?

Should I accept that this is MY problem and that he is not ever going to say what I need to hear, and just drop it and appreciate the good things in my life? I rarely mention this to him anymore. — Dejected

Dear Dejected:

Firstly, what kind of porn was your husband looking at? Because if it was GILF’s and/or overweight women then I think you’re in the clear … Sort of, but that’s a whole other ball of wax. Porn … porn is weird. It’s changed so much in the last 30-40 years. Where there were once films featuring natural men and women there are now videos populated with silicon and plastic … sigh. But that’s also a whole other ball of wax and not relating to you at all.

He’s not viewing porn anymore which is great, but he’s still not acknowledging you and you should know that it’s a two-way street. You need to reach out and tell him “Hey, you look nice/handsome/sexy today” and then, maybe then, it will draw him into realizing that you are still attracted to him and in turn he will give you compliments.

And if all else fails, is there anything you would be willing to do to spice up the physical attraction/sexual energy without reintroducing porn into the mix? Maybe some role playing will jump start the old “engines”???

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