“Jaw With John” – Graduate Faces Ageism, Kinda, Sorta, Not Really … It’s For A Party

“I’m a 22-year-old college student on the verge of graduating this May. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for more than five years, and I am extremely close with his family, especially his sister “Claudia” and her three children (ages 6, 3 and 6 months).

My parents are throwing me a graduation party at their home, and they don’t want any guests under the age of 10. How do I tell Claudia — a dear friend — that her children won’t be invited without upsetting her? (I have small cousins who won’t be attending either.)

It truly is nothing personal, but I know she will probably take it personally. I don’t want to cause drama, but I do want to honor my parents’ wishes that no small children be present. How do I tell her? Help! — SOON-TO-BE GRADUATE”

Dear Soon-To-Be Graduate,

Unfortunately, you are merely a guest at this party. Etiquette dictates that you adhere to the hosts rules and, if she’s invited, tell Claudia that she cannot bring her young children but do mention that other young children will not be present either. It sucks, I know but dems are da rules! And if you want to throw a party (not in opposition to the one thrown by your parents) where there are no age limits, go ahead!

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“Jaw With John” – Anti-Vaxxer’s Aren’t Welcome To This Party

“I have four young children. The oldest (twins) just started school.

We know some people who cannot vaccinate their children for health reasons. But we also know of others who choose not to vaccinate their children.

We are all about being inclusive and we love to entertain other children, but I don’t want parents to bring their kids to our house if they have chosen not to vaccinate. Children who can’t be vaccinated for health reasons are welcome.

As a registered nurse who works with young babies I feel very strongly about this. I have seen the tragic results of children contracting preventable diseases.

To be honest, I don’t know if I want my kids to associate with the children of parents who “think they know better.”

I thought about putting a note to parents on invitations asking children who have not been vaccinated by choice to please not attend, but I don’t know if that is appropriate and can’t figure out the wording.

Is it OK to post this warning on invitations? — Pro-Vax RN”

Dear Pro-Vax:

I’ll get this out of the way now: I’m a pro-vax guy like yourself. I don’t see why these anti-vaxxers think that they know any better than doctors or modern medicine. They are LITERALLY putting their child at more risk by not getting them vaccinated. But hey, that’s their decision – a dumb one.

You can’t send out an invitation saying “Come to my party! ……… Unless you’re not vaccinated because of personal reasons.” You can’t do it. It’s not only rude, but an invasion of privacy. You’re not a school requiring a medical history for admission. You’re a birthday party.

In all honesty, it doesn’t sound like this party will happen. You want to be all inclusive, but you set up these barriers to keep some out. I don’t think you know what “all inclusive” means.

“Jaw With John” – Fiance’s Out, But She Still Wants A Wedding…Uh, What?

“My sister has been engaged for the past year and has everything planned for a wedding this summer. However, her fiance has recently contacted her to let her know he is no longer interested in marrying her.

My sister is distraught, but we have a four-month window to cancel the hotel, the band, etc., and still recoup a large portion of the deposit money.

My sister does not want us to cancel anything. She has told us multiple times that if we cancel the wedding, she won’t have the opportunity to fix this broken relationship, and she will wind up never getting married. She is having a very hard time coming to terms with her current situation. Meanwhile, her fiance has moved out of their home and is living with a friend.

If we do not cancel the venue we stand to lose many thousands of dollars, but we still want to support my sister. What is the right thing to do? — Distraught”

Dear Distraught:

Your sister is living in Crazy Town and not the one populated by the band of the same name.

This thing with her fiance is done, finished. The relationship is not broken at this point, it’s shattered. Keeping the wedding afloat in the hopes that he’ll reconsider is the pipiest(new word) of pipe dreams. He’s moved out and moved on. Wasting money on this extravagant party – which it’s just that at this point, a party – is a truly horrible idea.

What if he doesn’t show? Which he won’t. How crushed will she be when that happens? That would be worse than calling off the whole thing. It would be traumatizing and she may never recover from the humiliation. You can’t let her go through with this plan.

By canceling everything now you are supporting her future.

“Jaw With John” – It’s Just Dinner, Stop Being Weird

“My husband and I notice a trend among some of our friends that we think is strange, but maybe we’re the crazy ones.

We have been invited to parties at people’s homes, and invitations will say, “Bring a dish to pass.” We bring a dish, have fun and keep our opinions to ourselves, but we both think it’s bizarre to have a party and expect the guests to bring the food (finances are not an issue).

When a group is planning a cookout, having everyone bring food seems normal. But planning a party in your home and not providing the food — is this a new thing? — BYOF”

Dear BYOF:

It’s called a potluck and they’ve been around for centuries. WTF, why is this weird to you?

“Jaw With John” – She’s Got Pregnancy Brain

“My college friend is pregnant with her first child. When I found out she was having a baby, I was thrilled for her and offered to throw the shower (I also hosted her bridal shower a few years ago).

Her first response to my offer? “That would be great! Husband and I have already been talking about this and want to have an evening party with men and women, something nontraditional and more of a party before our lives are turned upside down.” She then started throwing out dates and other details.

I had envisioned an afternoon tea party or a mommy yoga class, but hadn’t made any firm plans. After hearing her response, I immediately got hung up on the etiquette of the situation (wait! doesn’t the hostess determine these details or at least have some input?) and my (sometimes too strongly held) principles.

With her specific and immediate expectations, I feel she would be better off hosting herself! All I want to do is excuse myself and retract my offer, but I don’t know what to say. Should I stick to my guns and refuse to host when she is dictating the terms right off the bat? Or am I being too sensitive and haven’t realized that moms-to-be are totally entitled to plan their own showers? — Old-Fashioned”

Dear Old-Fashioned:

I’ve said this before but it bears repeating: no man wants to be a part of a baby shower. So this “non-traditional” party that she wants is a pretty dumb idea. She clearly has “Pregnancy Brain” and is suggesting things that are just plain illogical and downright stupid. “Mommy yoga” isn’t a good idea either, but you’ll think of another one.

You asked if you cold host/plan the party and now she has provided insight into what she wants, which is a dumb party idea, and now you don’t like that she’s pretty much planned the entire thing? Huh? Grow up. She’s taking all of the horrible parts about planning a party (planning) and has told you what to do. How much easier do you need it?

The only problem is that you need to convince her that the men & women baby shower party is an bad awful idea. Other than that, you are being too sensitive. Nudge her in a different direction.