Tag Archives: Old-Fashioned

“Jaw With John” – Put A Ring On It

I have a 23-year-old granddaughter who has been living with a 25-year-old man for over five years. He doesn’t seem to feel he should get engaged or plan their marriage.

I know she is upset about not getting a ring and approached him about it a few months ago. He said he would get her a ring but wanted to wait until he had saved enough money for it. But time goes on and still no ring!

He treats her well and to my knowledge her only complaint is that he will not commit to engagement or marriage. His parents lived together for seven years before they got married, so that might be one reason why he hasn’t made the commitment.

I’ve been married for 60 years and feel that if you are going to live with someone you need to make a commitment to marry soon — and not several years down the road. Am I old-fashioned?

Should I let her continue to be “used” by him? I feel that the lack of commitment doesn’t show her respect. Perhaps his argument is that he is committed — by providing for her as she continues her education. They live as man and wife without the ring and marriage. I know that it bothers her, but she continues to hang in there. — Disappointed

Dear Disappointed:

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“Jaw With John” – She’s Got Pregnancy Brain

My college friend is pregnant with her first child. When I found out she was having a baby, I was thrilled for her and offered to throw the shower (I also hosted her bridal shower a few years ago).

Her first response to my offer? “That would be great! Husband and I have already been talking about this and want to have an evening party with men and women, something nontraditional and more of a party before our lives are turned upside down.” She then started throwing out dates and other details.

I had envisioned an afternoon tea party or a mommy yoga class, but hadn’t made any firm plans. After hearing her response, I immediately got hung up on the etiquette of the situation (wait! doesn’t the hostess determine these details or at least have some input?) and my (sometimes too strongly held) principles.

With her specific and immediate expectations, I feel she would be better off hosting herself! All I want to do is excuse myself and retract my offer, but I don’t know what to say. Should I stick to my guns and refuse to host when she is dictating the terms right off the bat? Or am I being too sensitive and haven’t realized that moms-to-be are totally entitled to plan their own showers? — Old-Fashioned

Dear Old-Fashioned:

I’ve said this before but it bears repeating: no man wants to be a part of a baby shower. So this “non-traditional” party that she wants is a pretty dumb idea. She clearly has “Pregnancy Brain” and is suggesting things that are just plain illogical and downright stupid. “Mommy yoga” isn’t a good idea either, but you’ll think of another one.

You asked if you cold host/plan the party and now she has provided insight into what she wants, which is a dumb party idea, and now you don’t like that she’s pretty much planned the entire thing? Huh? Grow up. She’s taking all of the horrible parts about planning a party (planning) and has told you what to do. How much easier do you need it?

The only problem is that you need to convince her that the men & women baby shower party is an bad awful idea. Other than that, you are being too sensitive. Nudge her in a different direction.

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