Tag Archives: Neighbor

Dear John: Creeper Dad Found Out Kid’s Friend Does Porn

There is a 31-year-old woman who has been a part of our family since she was a teenager. She and my kids grew up together and they are still good friends.

Her parents are good friends of my wife and me. She is Phi Beta Kappa and graduated magna cum laude from a good college. She has a postgraduate degree from a very prestigious university.

She is in a job she’s had for eight years. She currently makes more than $80,000 a year and is extremely secure.

By an absolutely bizarre twist of fate, I just found out she has been acting in hardcore pornographic videos for the last year, distributed by one of (what I understand is) the biggest production companies in that business. There were 10 pages of her videos when I Googled her stage name.

I am in shock. I am so afraid for her future if her employer, or someone else, makes the same discovery. She’s an adult and is free to make her choices, but if someone makes the connection, in this internet-fueled world, it will follow her for the rest of her life. I’m afraid she’ll lose her job and never be taken seriously as a professional again. I’m afraid for her health and safety.

I have not talked to anyone about this. Whom (if anybody) should I tell? Should I just shut up and let the chips fall where they may? We all love this girl very much, and I’m heartsick. What is the right thing to do?

— Worried Friend

Dear Friend,

“By an absolutely bizarre twist of fate” my ass! You were looking up porn, my man! No need to hide it. It’s OK.

First things first, It’s none of your business. She’s a grown woman who is making her own decisions about her life. She is being safe and is able to balance both of her lives WITHOUT YOU. You are not responsible for her in any way shape or form. It is her life.

Secondly, you’re a creeper.

You list all of these accomplishments she’s received over the years as if that’s supposed to tilt me in your favor. What a loaded question you’ve asked. People can be super successful and want to do other things in their lives. This other thing happens to be porn. Now, before I tell you to pound sand once more I have to ask, what’s her stage name?

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

Dear John: Woman Wants No Tan Lines, Neighbors Might Want To See How That’s Achieved

I have really nice neighbors, and we are always pleasant to each other. We put up a large above-ground pool in our backyard, and they put up a trampoline.

I would like to enjoy our pool (how to put this delicately?) without tan lines. I do not want to offend them or expose myself to their teenage son when he’s jumping on their trampoline. Is there a tactful way to ask them to move the trampoline since there is no other way to stay discreet in my own backyard? — NO TAN LINES

Dear No Tan Lines:

Oh my god! Tramapoline! Trambopoline!

How…how tall is this trampoline? Is it like the Bank Hotel from Ocean’s 13? Because that would be one HELL of a trampoline!

One suggestion: Build a taller fence. You really don’t want to ask the neighbors to move their trampoline and then give your actual answer because then it might get back to the same teenage son you’re trying to avoid and he might then sneak out there and try and see what you’ve got hiding under your clothes. I speak from experience of being a teenage boy.

You can definitely ask them to move it on account of your privacy. And if that doesn’t work then maybe look in to some alternative ways to get no tan lines.

Whatever solution you reach, please wear sunscreen! Per skincancer.org: “While it is not the most common of the skin cancers, [melanoma] causes the most deaths. In 2016, an estimated 76,380 of these will be invasive melanomas, with about 46,870 in males and 29,510 in women.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

“Jaw With John” – Taking Care of Dog Business

My husband and I have lived in our current house for many years.

The retired couple across the street bought a darling puppy about 15 months ago. Their yard, landscaping and lawn are incredibly beautiful. The neighbor keeps it looking like a golf course. (The rest of the neighborhood is a lot more casual.)

He started walking his puppy across the street to our strip of grass below a hedge at the end of our yard. He and the puppy would walk back and forth a number of times and then return back home. He is actually using our lawn strip for a doggy potty!

He collects the droppings and takes them away, but now other leashed dogs become interested in the same area of our lawn. They sniff around and many spray and leave their own scent, drawing yet more dogs.

How can I approach this without stuttering or hurting feelings? I have no clue. — Neighbor

Dear Neighbor:

You can put up a sign on your lawn stating these feelings.

But as a dog lover, walker, owner I can tell you that if my dog needs to go on a lawn I let him. I’ll try and obey the signs, if they are up, but if he has to go, he’ll go.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

“Jaw With John” – Think Of The Children!

If a married woman answers the door wearing only a bath towel when her husband’s brother (who happens to be married to me) is at the door and her husband is not at home, is that appropriate?

She shows no regard for modesty. In her yard she will carelessly bend over in a loose-fitting tank top (bra-less, of course), not even trying to hold up the neck to spare those in her presence the view.

My husband and I have argued over this issue, and everyone knows my sentiments on this “misconduct.”

I feel this behavior is disrespectful to me. My husband should consider my feelings and honor me by telling her that this conduct is inappropriate. When I suggested that he tell her that her behavior is offensive and unwelcome, he became defensive and said that I was behaving jealously.

Am I crazy because I have a “problem” with this? — BS

Dear BS:

She sounds rather busty or else this wouldn’t be much of an issue.

She’s obviously very, very comfortable in her own skin and is willing to share it with the world. My concern here is that she’s not wearing a bra. Studies have shown that not wearing a bra could lead to back problems. You could slip some scoliosis literature under her door to send a message.

Or you could just outright tell her that she needs to cover up, but I do believe that you should be the one to her. If your husband were to do so it might not come out right and it could look as if he’s creeping on her/checking her out. She may then take that as a sign of flirtation and invitation to bed him OR she could call him a pervert and out him to her husband. She could do the same to you but it seems like she only plays for one team here.

And if those options are not your cup of tea, you could go all Helen Lovejoy:


Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,