Tag Archives: Moving Out

“Jaw With John” – Wean Boyfriend Off Home

I am in a new relationship. We are very much in love and have similar values and relationship goals.

I am 35 and have been living on my own for over 10 years. My boyfriend is 30 and has never lived on his own. He is Chinese-American and has said that he still lives at home for cultural reasons. We have made the decision to move in together, but now we have run into problems.

He is having a harder time adjusting to this change than I expected. I was practically thrown out the door as a young adult, encouraged strongly to build a life on my own. Therefore I lack the empathy needed to understand his point of view. He isn’t moving across the country (like I did) — he’s moving only 10 miles away!

I’m hurt and think he is no longer excited about taking this step. I feel rejected and sad on the nights he chooses to sleep back at his home. What can we do to get through this? — Lonely at Home

Dear Lonely:

Just because he’s having a hard time adjusting, doesn’t mean he isn’t happy.

You’re, admittedly, not making this easy on him by lacking empathy. If you think it’s harder on you than it is him then you need to look outside yourself and see what’s really going on. In some cultures it is perfectly acceptable for a child to live with their parents until they get married. He seems to be in a transitional period and needs some time to figure things out. This isn’t Failure To Launch though, I am certain of that.

You could always move further away so that he’d have to take a plane or train to sleep at home, but you’re not that cruel … Are you?

You will need to address this issue with him and see what YOU can do to help make him feel more comfortable in his new home. Wean him off sleeping at home and openly discuss what he wants out of this relationship and then go from there. It’ll be a process, but if you truly love him and want to be with him then you will do whatever you can to make it work.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

“Jaw With John” – You Love Lamp

I recently left a difficult living situation, sharing a house with two roommates.

About two months before I moved out, one of my roommates asked if I would like a lamp that her friend was giving away. She had eyes on another lamp this friend was getting rid of and offered to bring both home, giving one to me. I loved the lamp and thanked her profusely.

Shortly thereafter I moved out, taking my things (including the lamp) with me.

Said roommate contacted me a month later. She said she never intended to give me the lamp and that she would like to have it back.

I am not sure how our understanding of the situation came to be so different, and I am struggling to find a moral high road. — Between a Lamp and a Hard Place

Dear Lamp:

She offered you the lamp. You accepted. She gave you the lamp. End of story.

Does she not remember this interaction? Seriously, ask her if she remembers that you had that discussion and that she GAVE YOU THE LAMP. If she fights you and now wants it back, then you’ll need to decide if you want the lamp that badly. I think you do, it sounds like an awesome lamp. I have one next to my bed that I LOVE. I know how you feel. Don’t give in to your friend. She gave you the lamp, you should keep it.

 

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,