Tag Archives: Movies

If They Updated Matthew McConaughey Movies

Once you win an Academy Award it stays with you forever. The same can be said for Emmy’s, Grammy’s, Tony’s etc. Your following work, whether it’s an album, movie, or TV show will highlight that achievement. Hell, even if you get nominated you might get that recognition as well.

But what about your past efforts? You know, the ones that maybe weren’t all that great, bad even, or were ignored completely. What about them?

This brought me to the talents of Matthew McConaughey. The dude has been on something of a hot streak over the last few years and while I have always liked the guy, he rarely delivered. Now he’s in high demand. He did the fantastic True Detective and I was equally impressed with his work in Interstellar, following up his Best Actor win for Dallas Buyers Club.

But this being the “alright alright alright” guy I decided to look back at some of his more… less memorable efforts and advertise that Oscar win to see how it would look. Let’s peek into his mind to see what he’s thinking on these posters…

wedding planner

“You know I’m a doctor because he wears glasses. Now you know I’m an Oscar winner too.”

What bothers me about this movie is that he picks out the colored M&M’s because he says that since chocolate is naturally brown the brown they have less artificiality in them…if he was a real doctor he’d know that to create brown you have to COMBINE multiple colors. They don’t just spray it with chocolate, it’s a candy-coated shell just like the rest of them…

Sahara

“Hell yeah, I got skinny and won an Oscar years and years after this. Sorry Steve.”

Double whammy here with Penelope Cruz also getting a nod to her win for Vicky Cristina Barcelona.

how to lose a guy in 10 days

“Hey Kate, remember that time I won an Oscar and you didn’t but probably should have over that movie Marcia Gay Harden was in that no one really saw?…Yeah, me neither. What’s this P.O.S. about again? 10 Days?!?? You’re not getting rid of me in 10 days! I played a guy who had aids for like … 10 years!”

ghosts of girlfriends past

“Is that a scarf you’re choking me with Jennifer? You can’t choke a future Oscar winner. It’s Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, not Oscar winners.”

fools gold

“Ahhh Kate it’s OK, you’ve still got a ridiculously skinny body. Is this photoshopped? Alright, who gives a shit. I’m here for the tan… The title of this one now has double meaning… am I right!?”

failure to launch

“I’m sorry you all had to see Terry Bradshaw’s butt.”

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“Jaw With John” – John’s Guide To Movie Watching

The other day I saw a great movie. But the lady behind me kept talking to her husband during the film. It was distracting when she would ask her husband what was going on and talk through emotional scenes.

I was appalled by this because I am only 18, and I would expect that an adult over twice my age could sit quietly for two hours and know proper movie etiquette.

Could you please write a list of rules concerning proper movie-viewing etiquette for those people who have never been told how to act in a movie theater? — Annoyed

Dear Annoyed:

This is my biggest pet peeve of all time. I love going to the movies. I cherish it. I had always been taught to sit quietly in my seat and watch the movie. The theatre is not my living room. I am not allowed to talk over the movie and misbehave in any way. That’s the way I always saw a movie and it’s how I still see them today.

And since you asked, here are my 7 rules:

1. Sit down and shut up. You’re allowed to laugh/gasp/cry but no commentary. If you can’t follow what’s happening or got up to go to the bathroom then you lose your right to know what’s happened.
2. Rein in your children. This isn’t daycare. Don’t let your kid run around the theatre, it’s annoying and disruptive. It’s also a part of #1.
3. TURN OFF YOUR PHONE. If you can’t go 2+ hours without looking at your phone, texting, or checking email then you don’t deserve to go to a movie theatre. You’re not that important.
4. If you have candy, open it BEFORE the movie starts. No one wants to hear the crinkling of wrappers during a tense or quiet or any scene for that matter.
5. If someone’s in front of you, don’t put your feet on their seat. That’s a no brainer. Most theatres have those bars at the front row where wheelchairs can be parked. That’s where you can put your feet up. It’s also where I prefer to sit.
6. If there’s relatively few people in the theatre, don’t sit directly behind or in front of someone. You have all that space to work with so spread out.
7. Clean up after yourself. I don’t expect you to pick up your popcorn kernels that are on the floor but I do expect you to pick up your popcorn bag/bucket, empty drinks and any other trash you’ve made. It’s called being courteous and it makes the ushers job that much easier.

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Seeing Stars

Out here in Los Angeles we have the famous ‘Hollywood Walk of Fame’ where the famous (Spielberg) and somewhat famous (David Spade) have stars placed in their honor on the famous stretch of sidewalk. I had done my research before heading to Hong Kong and learned about their own version, ‘Avenue of Stars’, and I knew that this would be a place I would like to visit.  Learning that the Avenue of Stars was where Hong Kong honored their stars, I was even more inclined to see who I could spot since off the top of my head I named Jackie Chan, Wong Kar Wai, and Bruce Lee.

It is very easy to get to, like most things in Hong Kong. Hop on the MTR and find your way to Tsim Sha Tsui and follow the signs toward ‘Avenue of Stars’. It’s that simple. By the time I made it out to ‘Avenue of the Stars’ I had become comfortable navigating the MTR and this was only after 5 days and I am coming from a city that is not known for its public transportation system so you don’t need to feel overwhelmed by the MTR because it’s quite simple to follow.

As I made my way past the various museums that lined the shore, I found the beginning of the ‘Avenue of Stars’. I looked down and saw a few names I vaguely recognized and a few that surprised me because I did not know they were from Hong Kong or were influential to the country’s artistic endeavors. I’ll be honest, I went there for the sole purpose of seeing Jackie Chan’s star and the Bruce Lee statue so I made my way, somewhat hastily, down the path until I saw a small group of people standing above a star and taking photos of and with it – I knew it was Jackie Chan’s.

I’ve always loved Jackie Chan’s movies. From the first time I saw ‘Mr. Nice Guy’ I knew this guy was awesome. That got me into ‘Supercop’, ‘Gen X Cops’, ‘Rumble in the Bronx’, his animated series – ‘Jackie Chan Adventures’ and then the ‘Rush Hour’ movies (but not the 3rd one, that was awful) and the ‘Shanghai Noon/Knights’ films.

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From there I could easily see the Bruce Lee statue which is exquisitely detailed with the muscles and veins popping out as if they were real.

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From there, I was pleasantly surprised to find some more names I recognized in Jet Li and Michelle Yeoh:

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Jet Li

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Michelle Yeoh

All in all this was a fun experience for the film geek in me because I grew up watching, and still watch, the films from these actors, actresses and directors. As I basked in the memory of their films, a ship with a recognizable shape floated in the distance and was getting larger with each passing second. I recognized it by its sails to be a Junk ship. I stood at the railing hoping to get a closer look at the famous vessel that has sailed these waters since the 2nd century CE. I was not disappointed.  Seeing this iconic ship was a great way to end my last day in Hong Kong.

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