Tag Archives: Mom

Dear John – Your Daughter Is A Brat, She Doesn’t Know Everything But She Talks Back

I recently traveled to Germany to help my 19-year-old daughter settle in for her semester of study abroad. I was in tears the entire trip home, not because I was sad to leave her, but because she kept lashing out at me for anything from using a cotton swab to following proper directions exiting the train, to asking simple — but, in her mind, ridiculous — questions. This is not new behavior. Her brother has also observed her overreactive behavior to minor things.

I treated her and her roommate to dinners out and stocked her apartment with groceries, in addition to making significant financial contributions toward her tuition. I’m also splitting the cost of her monthly rent with her dad.

I feel hurt, like she regards me as only an ATM. She wouldn’t even let me use her European electrical adapter to charge my phone before leaving for the airport.

Should I convey how hurt I feel and, if so, what are your suggestions? I feel if I have a phone conversation, she will sigh, tell me she doesn’t have time for this or accuse me of being a killjoy. If I put it in a letter, I’ll feel like a coward, but it will allow me to express my feelings without interruption or protest.

— UNAPPRECIATED IN VERMONT

Dear Unappreciated,

You definitely need to convey how hurt you feel! Your daughter is being a brat. You didn’t have to fly all the way to Germany to help her settle in. My parents didn’t do that when I went to Australia. They sent me off, lent me some money, and I took care of the rest once I got there. She is abusing you.

Write the letter. You said so yourself that you’ll be able to get all of your feelings out on paper without interruption, so do that. It is not cowardly. You will be communicating in the most effective way for you and that’s important! You will need to address her behavior and give her an ultimatum. You can’t continue to fund her life and be treated like that. It’s not right. She needs to learn how to act and behave like a proper human being.

Advertisements
Tagged , , , , , , ,

Dear John: Mom Feels That 3rd Time Is Not The Charm For Daughter

My daughter is on her third marriage to a pretty nice guy, but she’s also in regular contact with her first husband by text, email, and phone. And now, her present husband is also in contact with an ex-girlfriend (hanging out, having lunch, etc.). What part of this picture am I not getting?

— SUSPICIOUS MOM AND IN-LAW IN ARIZONA

Dear Suspicious,

You are getting the entire picture. Your daughter is either on the verge of ending yet another marriage or they are trying to get into swinging.

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

Dear John: Teenage Daughter Is Dating A Weirdo, By My Standards

My daughter is 19 and lives with me. She is seeing a 26-year-old man who has a child with another woman he didn’t marry.

When my daughter goes out with him, he keeps her out until 3:30 a.m. or later. He has done this twice that I know of. I had a conversation with him, and he assured me he would make sure she is home before midnight, to no avail.

I don’t think he’s good for my daughter. Should I forbid her from seeing him (because she lives in my house) or let her make her own decision? We are not going to raise a baby out of wedlock! — TEEN’S DAD

Dear Dad:

Forbidding a teenager to do something will just make them do it more. Take it from me. When my mom forbid me from watching Who Framed Roger Rabbit because she found the sexy Jessica Rabbit, well – too sexy, that only made me watch it whenever she wasn’t around.

In regards to the other thing, firstly why is a 26-year-old dating a 19-year-old? That’s just weird and a little creepy on so many levels. I get that it’s legal and everything but a year ago your daughter was in high school and this dude has been, presumably, out of college for at least three years…I dunno, maybe I’m being a prude here but he’s a weirdo. Secondly, talk with her and tell her how you feel! You can literally show her an example (her current BF) about what can happen if you have a child young and you are not prepared for it. After that, you just hope she heard you because she is legally an adult and no longer under your “rule” so to speak.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Dear John: Mom’s Fears Are Like Riding A Bike

**After a long hiatus for some reason – most likely boredom – I have decided to return to the advice game but with a little re-branding. Instead of being called Jaw With Jaw I have decide to go with the more traditional Dear John. Yes, it’s cheesy, I know. But it also gets the point across of what I am replying to at times. You will still be able to search for the keyword Jaw With John but know that I have now called my column Dear John.**

I need advice about my son. He has started doing bicycle training with a coach and some other cyclists, and he likes it a lot. But I continually hear about accidents with bicycles, and every time he goes, I am frightened for him.

My husband was a cyclist for many years, and he encourages him. I want to do the same, but fear stops me. What must I do? I pray every time he goes and surrender him to God. Is this the right way? — FEARFUL IN NICOSIA, CYPRUS

Dear Fearful:

All you can do is pray. Unless you want to follow him out there and take up cycling yourself!

But in all honesty, this isn’t the Tour de France. And most of the cyclists I come in contact with – not literal contact! I have not hit a cyclist with my car before! – are very vocal (and really, they’re a-holes: they rarely stop at stop signs, the ride much faster than the actual road speed limit, they take up full lanes when they’re not supposed to, etc etc etc) so if something should happen, I think the other cyclists with him will be there to help out. They will also prepare him for riding on his own and guide him on what to do – as can your husband. So relax, mom!

Just make sure he wears a helmet!

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,

“Jaw With John” – Helicopter Mom Needs To Exit The Exam Room

“I am the mom of two sons, ages 13 and 14. When I took them for their annual physical last summer, their pediatrician said this would be the last year I would be in the room while he examined my sons.

I don’t understand why I should have to leave if my children are OK with my being there. My sons are comfortable with me, and I am an only parent. It seems to me that more and more rights are being taken away from parents. Am I out of line for feeling this way? — Exam Room Off-Limits

Dear Off-Limits,

Beacausssseeeee your boys are at the age where their bodies are changing and they are experiencing new things, and hormones, and giving themselves the five-fingered-discount *if you know what I mean*.

But you seem to be a bit of a helicopter parent here so I’ll tell you this: Kids need space.

Kids need space especially when it comes to their changing bodies. I’m sure they have questions about their changing bodies that they would feel more comfortable asking a doctor WITHOUT THEIR MOTHER PRESENT! It’s uncomfortable enough watching The Thomas Crown Affair and then watching the crazy-passionate love scene with your mom. Imagine how uncomfortable it would be to have you in the room and your sons asking questions about sex, masturbation, etc that you really don’t want to hear…it’s time to find a Highlights magazine and sit in the waiting room.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,