Tag Archives: marriage advice

“Jaw With John” – Let Husband Swing Somewhere Else

My husband wants to be with other women. He has spent the last 12 years asking for a threesome. I love him and don’t want to share him with the world, but he doesn’t love me the same.

We have been together more than 29 years. He says he just wants to have fun. Since I’m not interested in swinging with him and others, should I just get a divorce? I believe he won’t be complete until he gets to enjoy his life the way he wants, and I’m tired of having my feelings hurt each time he meets someone he wants to be with.

I’m a 51-year-old woman who is still very sexually active, yet I am not enough for him. I have tried everything. I’m tired. — DOESN’T WANT TO SHARE HIM

Dear Doesn’t Want To Share,

The situation you and your husband are in reminds me of this scene from Old School:

It seems as if your husband is experiencing the same thing as Will Ferrell’s character…only 29 years later.

I feel that you, just as in the movie, are unfortunately on the road for divorce. You have reached the point where an unstoppable force (husband) has met an immovable object (you). You won’t blink and compromise on your morals and he’s like a dog with a bone(r). It’s time to find a lawyer and let him wet his whistle somewhere else.

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“Jaw With John” – Monster-In-Law Keeps Popping In

My mother-in-law has begun doing the “pop-in.” My husband passive-aggressively hinted that he wished he had known she was coming over. Her response was, “I’m your mother; I don’t need to let you know when I’m coming over.” I regard this as total disrespect.

She has done this plenty of times — including popping in when I was having a dinner with my parents and children, which made her mad because she and my father-in-law hadn’t been invited.

She did the pop-in again last week. My husband, four children and I were about to sit down to a family dinner when she rang the doorbell. I didn’t have enough food for her and my father-in-law, which made us all uncomfortable. She made a sarcastic comment, “Gee, I guess I shouldn’t have come over,” then she sat in the living room staring at us as we ate.

I have begged my husband to say something, but he says it would be disrespectful. I said it is disrespectful that she comes over without checking with us first. What’s your take on this? — NO POP-INS, PLEASE

Dear No Pop-Ins,

She sounds like a handful.

The whole showing up someplace unannounced was fine when there wasn’t a way to effectively communicate that you were coming over (like, oh, I dunno before the telephone was invented). Nowadays, it’s common courtesy (or not so common in the case of your mother-in-law) to call or message ahead.

In an ideal world, I wish you would’ve said “No, you shouldn’t have come over!” when she came over and ended up sitting and watching you eat. Then again, I’m a bit of a sarcastic asshole. But, she needs to hear this considering that she believes that she can just come over whenever – which we know is NOT the case.

I love the part where she was mad that she wasn’t invited. BECAUSE SHE WASN’T INVITED! It was a dinner for your family and your parents! She’s mental.

Your husband seems to be slightly whipped by his own mother to the extent that he’s afraid to stand up to her. Yikes. You need to tell him to sack up and stand up to his mom because it’s having an effect on you, your marriage, and your life.

 

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“Jaw With John” – Your Husband Said What Now?

My husband of more than 30 years has erectile dysfunction. When I was overweight I was happy enough not to have relations with him. Now I’ve got control of my health and would like to step it up in the bedroom.

He suggests, regularly, that I seek another partner. Besides being hurt by these requests, I’m fine waiting for him. Now he says that if he knew I was seeing someone else, he would not have to take pills because he’d be aroused at the thought.

I’m stunned and confused. He’s never been into porn. I don’t know where this is coming from. What should I do? — It Got Complicated

Dear Complicated,

Uh, what?

I’m sure that you’ve been down the E.D. pill road and maybe he doesn’t want to do that and if you haven’t then that’s something you can try.

Final thought here because I’m a little limp with how to resolve this (see what I did there?): Role Play. Use that knowledge and try to drum up a lil sexual excitement!

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“Jaw With John” – Guests Present But Not With A Present

“I recently celebrated my marriage with an amazing wedding! We had the best night of our lives, and so many guests told us it was the best wedding they had ever been to.

While enjoying reading cards and opening gifts, we were shocked to find 35 of our 140 guests did not leave a gift. We have racked our brains. Was the gift table too hard to find? Are they planning on sending a gift? Were some gifts stolen?

The probability of this is low as the area was secure and well-supervised. The table was a little tricky to spot, but the venue wasn’t that large.

We are honestly feeling hurt. As an aside, my husband and I paid for the wedding ourselves and many of our friends knew this.

Several people have suggested discussing this directly with the offending guests. This is a really tricky situation, but that number is so surprisingly high.

Any advice on how to approach this sticky situation? — Baffled Bride

Dear Baffled,

Speaking from experience, the last wedding I went to I didn’t bring a gift with me. I found the couples registry and then purchased it online and had it sent to them. Maybe that has happened with a few of your gifts.

As for the stolen bit…c’mon, be real here. This isn’t You’re The Worst (hilarious show btw). Gifts were not stolen.

Let’s face it, some people do not feel required to bring or purchase a gift for a new couple. They might want to just show up, get drunk, party, dance, etc. You need to accept this fact and move on. You didn’t get married for the stuff – unless you’re in it for your husbands stuff – HEY OH! (I’m Kidding). You two got married, and chose a public ceremony so that you could share your love with your close friends and relatives.

 

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“Jaw With John” – A Little Pastoral Cleansing

My husband and I have been married for six years. He is a Christian, and is active in his church. I am an atheist. While he tries to convert me on occasion, we have no problems with our religious differences. In fact, the conversations we have are some of the highlights of our marriage.

My husband is not a tidy man. He rarely does any cleaning, but will help with the dishes or laundry sometimes, and that’s good enough for me. The one area that I have (slightly) nagged him about over the years is his car. I usually end up waiting for his car to get really bad, then go and clean it out myself, or pay to have it detailed while he is at work.

I regularly ask him to clean out his car, but in six long years, he has never done it. Until yesterday. Yesterday, he suddenly spent two hours cleaning out his car. I was thrilled! Then, he told me why he cleaned out his car.

Apparently, his pastor had needed a ride somewhere. After the ride in my husband’s car, the pastor gave my husband some great advice: Clean out your car. And he immediately did it.

I am happy that my husband finally cleaned his own car. But I’m a little upset that after six years of me asking him to perform this small task, he listened to his pastor and not to me.

Am I looking a gift horse in the mouth, or am I right to feel a bit slighted?

— Bent Out Of Shape

Dear Bent Out of Shape,

Let me answer your question/story with a story of my own.

As a teenager, high school age to be exact, my room wasn’t exactly the cleanest. There would be dirty running clothes, textbooks, and stuff in general strewn all around the room. Up until this point in my life I would rely on my mom to take of these things for me. I mean, she had done so my entire life so why stop now?

Then one day she stopped (Probably to teach me a lesson in cleaning up). The dirty clothes began to pile up and I said “Damn! My room stinks!” and “This place is a mess!”, so I tidied up and started taking care of business from that point on.

The point I’m trying to make is that had you just left the mess for your husband to deal with then he would’ve figured out that he needed to clean out his car. Instead, he had you do it for him under the “cover of darkness”, if you will, and he had is “divine intervention” by an actual pastor who noticed his mess instead of experiencing his own epiphany.

Don’t feel slighted. He just never knew how bad his dirty, filthy car could get.

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