Tag Archives: Love

“Jaw With John” – Don’t Let Him Be The Reason For The Teardrops On Your Guitar

My office hired a new employee two months ago that I’m very attracted to.

We have become great friends and enjoy the other’s company greatly.

I’ve never been so drawn to someone. I feel like a lovesick kid! I think about him all the time and find reasons to be around him, such as running errands with him or going out to lunch together. The problem is that he has a girlfriend, but I don’t know how serious it is because he’s never shown me a picture of her or mentioned her name.

I’ve tried to tell myself to get over him and move on, but my affections grow stronger every day. He’s everything I’ve been looking for in a romantic partner and we have such a strong connection. I’ve kept my attraction for him hidden because I don’t want to make him feel awkward, but it’s getting harder to do. What should I do? — Heartsick

Dear Heartsick:

“She hardly ever thought of him. He had worn a place for himself in some corner of her heart, as a sea shell, always boring against the rock, might do. The making of the place had been her pain. But now the shell was safely in the rock. It was lodged, and ground no longer.”
– T.H. White
The Once and Future King

Your situation reminds me of a time in my collegiate life when I would go down to the front desk when a certain girl was working there and get trash bags for my room. By month’s end I had a surplus of bags and nothing to fill them with, a date with her included.

Unrequited love is a fool’s errand. A door that can only be walked through one way. But you don’t know where the door is.

It sucks.

I once had a thing for a co-worker and we got along well and she seemed as genuinely interested in me as I was in her. She mentioned, in passing, that she had dated some people but never truly gave the impression that she was seeing anyone. So one day, as the day was drawing to a close I saw her and decided that I would ask her out. I did. It turns out she had a boyfriend, but hey, at least I tried. You owe yourself that much. Ask him if he’d like to see you outside of work. The worst thing he can do is confirm your suspicions.

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“Jaw With John” – Wean Boyfriend Off Home

I am in a new relationship. We are very much in love and have similar values and relationship goals.

I am 35 and have been living on my own for over 10 years. My boyfriend is 30 and has never lived on his own. He is Chinese-American and has said that he still lives at home for cultural reasons. We have made the decision to move in together, but now we have run into problems.

He is having a harder time adjusting to this change than I expected. I was practically thrown out the door as a young adult, encouraged strongly to build a life on my own. Therefore I lack the empathy needed to understand his point of view. He isn’t moving across the country (like I did) — he’s moving only 10 miles away!

I’m hurt and think he is no longer excited about taking this step. I feel rejected and sad on the nights he chooses to sleep back at his home. What can we do to get through this? — Lonely at Home

Dear Lonely:

Just because he’s having a hard time adjusting, doesn’t mean he isn’t happy.

You’re, admittedly, not making this easy on him by lacking empathy. If you think it’s harder on you than it is him then you need to look outside yourself and see what’s really going on. In some cultures it is perfectly acceptable for a child to live with their parents until they get married. He seems to be in a transitional period and needs some time to figure things out. This isn’t Failure To Launch though, I am certain of that.

You could always move further away so that he’d have to take a plane or train to sleep at home, but you’re not that cruel … Are you?

You will need to address this issue with him and see what YOU can do to help make him feel more comfortable in his new home. Wean him off sleeping at home and openly discuss what he wants out of this relationship and then go from there. It’ll be a process, but if you truly love him and want to be with him then you will do whatever you can to make it work.

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