Tag Archives: left out

“Jaw With John” – Follow-Up To Being Excluded

I have a story like “Torn’s,” whose best friend excluded Torn’s wife from a party invitation.

When we were dating, my husband introduced me to his best friend and the friend’s wife. He told them we were serious and would likely marry. The wife then issued several party invitations to my then-boyfriend, specifically excluding me. Regardless of whatever reasons she had for her behavior, we were a couple and expected to be treated as such. We did not attend the parties (and the friendship soon ended). — B

Dear B:

I approve. This behavior is not something that should be tolerated and to nip it in the bud, sometimes, the “friendship” must end.

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“Jaw With John” – Partner Left Out of B-Day Celebration

My best friend has a special birthday coming up. He has invited friends to a special dinner. This invitation includes myself, other individuals and some couples. Some are people I know, and some are not.

My dilemma is that he did not invite my partner. My partner has known him and his wife as long as I have. Other couples on the guest list include people with whom we have all socialized many times.

Initially I thought her name was left off by mistake, so I called him. He explained that there was no mistake; he was inviting only people with whom he felt especially close. He said he did not include her in that category. He said there were also some other couples where he had only invited one of the partners.

My partner was devastated by being left out and I feel in a terrible quandary about whether to attend. On one hand I respect and like him so much I feel honored to be invited at all, but on the other I feel my partner’s pain and I am also hurt that she was left out.

I feel torn two ways — but I am leaning toward not attending.

Can you offer any advice to me and comment on the propriety, or lack of it, in this situation? — Torn

Dear Torn:

Your friend is kind of an asshole.

He’s picking and choosing members of couples who he wants at his party. You said he’s known the both of you for a long time and yet he wants to include only you in the celebration? That doesn’t sound like much of a friendship. It sounds like he only truly values one of you and that’s not cool.

I think you need to decline the invitation and do something with your partner on that day instead. If, when you tell him, he changes his tune and decides that you can bring your partner along, still decline. Let him know that his selfish ways aren’t tolerated.

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“Jaw With John” – Sisters In Law Can’t Hang

My husband is the youngest of three brothers, and we were married last of the bunch.

My older sisters-in-law have become close friends over the years. They have a lot in common — both are teachers (I work in finance), both are of Swedish decent (I’m Greek), and both have two sons (I have three daughters).

We all live in different parts of the country, but spend Christmas in our husbands’ hometown.

I have tried very hard over the years not to feel like the third wheel, but it’s hard when they have so much in common and I can’t relate to many of their conversations.

I have tried to connect with them individually between Christmases, but I’m always the initiator — they never reach out to me. I know they maintain close contact with one another, but I rarely hear from them.

I hesitate to bring up that I’m feeling left out because I want them to be in a relationship with me by choice, not make the effort out of obligation. Also, once when I indicated that I felt a bit left out, one of them got very offended and I felt I had to apologize for feeling that way.

How can I be fair to them (not force them to read my mind), not come off as whiny or needy, and still form a genuine connection with them when there doesn’t seem to be room for me? — Third Wheel Sister

Dear Sister:

Are they first generation Swedish-American or something? And do they speak Swedish to each other? This is just a coincidence and their relationship has been built over time. It sounds like you’re making an excuse as to why they are better friends with each other than you.

You have every right to feel like you’re being left out, because you are. Suggest that you get together every now and then and see what happens. Don’t feel bad that you have to instigate it, if you want to connect with them badly enough then go for it! In the end if they start to spurn your requests you know you have tried and they just don’t want to let new people in so screw them and enjoy your life!

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