Tag Archives: Granddaughter

“Jaw With John” – Mani, Pedi, Angry Auntie

Recently I received a photo from my niece, who works in a high-powered job. Her daughter is almost three years old.

Although I love this child, I was very upset when I saw her getting a pedicure.

A few weeks later, my sister (the child’s grandmother) sent another photo of this child … this time getting a manicure. My sister thought it was cute!

I am far from amused. In fact I am disgusted. I am a generous auntie with no children but I will not pay for frivolity with my hard-earned money.

While I am able to be lavish, birthdays are coming for this child and her twin brother, but I have no intention of sending anything and will spend my money on those in need.

Is this behavior the norm? I would love your feedback. — Disgusted Auntie

Dear Disgusted:

You make it sound like you’re the one paying for all of this. I don’t believe that you are so all you can do is scowl from a far. It also sounds like your niece is well enough off that she can afford to do these things with and for her children and that’s her decision. You’re not paying for it, even though you seem to think you are because you send “lavish” gifts and money.

Threatening to hold back and not buy these young children (toddlers really) gifts comes off as petty and it’s something that they have no control over. You’d be punishing them for something their mother did and is that the kind of auntie you want to be?

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“Jaw With John” – Put A Ring On It

I have a 23-year-old granddaughter who has been living with a 25-year-old man for over five years. He doesn’t seem to feel he should get engaged or plan their marriage.

I know she is upset about not getting a ring and approached him about it a few months ago. He said he would get her a ring but wanted to wait until he had saved enough money for it. But time goes on and still no ring!

He treats her well and to my knowledge her only complaint is that he will not commit to engagement or marriage. His parents lived together for seven years before they got married, so that might be one reason why he hasn’t made the commitment.

I’ve been married for 60 years and feel that if you are going to live with someone you need to make a commitment to marry soon — and not several years down the road. Am I old-fashioned?

Should I let her continue to be “used” by him? I feel that the lack of commitment doesn’t show her respect. Perhaps his argument is that he is committed — by providing for her as she continues her education. They live as man and wife without the ring and marriage. I know that it bothers her, but she continues to hang in there. — Disappointed

Dear Disappointed:

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“Jaw With John” – Gramma Can Only See Color

I am a grandmother, with four beautiful/handsome grandchildren.

Our oldest grandchild is a beautiful, blond, smart 18-year-old girl. We are Caucasian. She is dating an African American and we in the family are disappointed and outraged.

She sees nothing wrong with this. We all have black friends and acquaintances, but dating or marrying African Americans has never crossed our minds.

I know it’s not as taboo as it was years ago, but we just can’t see this happening. We’ve tried telling her it’s not an easy road to travel and that there are consequences with this relationship. Help! She says we are racists. Are we? — Disappointed Gramma

Dear Gramma:

You’re racist.

Those who are outraged are racist.

Plain and simple.

What “consequences” are there with this relationship? I see none. You only see the color of his skin and cling to an outdated notion that people of different races cannot be together. “It’s not as taboo as it was years ago,” because it’s not taboo at all.

You say you have friends and acquaintances who are black but I doubt they’re truly your friends. If they knew how you felt about your granddaughter dating a black man then I’m sure they’d tell you what I already know.

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“Jaw With John” – You Get What You Give

I have a large family and we celebrate family birthdays at a monthly get-together with a potluck dinner. The dinner is always held at my house and I usually furnish the entree.

One granddaughter and her husband never contribute anything and never bring birthday cards for the honored family members. I have specifically asked her to bring something, and I made it easy by suggesting something simple like a Jell-O salad — but still, they bring nothing. Others are beginning to complain. Should I tell her that others are wondering why she never contributes to the meal? These two always eat.

I don’t want to alienate them from the rest of the family, as we all love them and want them with us. — Wondering Gramma

Dear Gramma:

Large family eh? Sounds like you were busy? Wink wink nudge nudge.

Stay with me here because everything will make sense, I swear. Around Christmas time my family has a saying “If you don’t believe, you don’t receive.” Meaning, if you fail to believe in Santa, you will not receive any presents. It’s a way to keep that childlike spirit of Christmas around even as an adult when you know the truth. It’s not really enforced but it’s still around.

Tell your granddaughter that if they don’t feel the need to participate that when it comes time to celebrate their birthday then they will receive what they gave: nothing. It doesn’t take much to buy a card and sign it or, hell, even buy a gift card. They are doing the least possible and need to know that it is unacceptable. This will send the message loud and clear.

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