Tag Archives: friendship

“Jaw With John” – Fill Your Eyes With That Double Vision

I work in customer service and was helping a guest. During my eight- to 10-minute chat with her, she showed me her phone. The wallpaper on her phone was a picture of the guest and her boyfriend in Times Square. Without mentioning it to the guest, I recognized her boyfriend as the husband of a friend of mine I’ll call Julie.

Julie and her husband have two young children. Part of me wants to confront him, but part of me says this would destroy a family. I have resolved to remain quiet unless I hear of marital difficulties, but would that be a disservice to my friend and her children? I feel like I’m carrying a grenade that may devastate many innocents. — Wants To Confront Him

Dear Wants To Confront,

You’ve never heard of a doppelgänger?

I’ve been shown photos from friends of people who look like me! It’s pretty wild.

The only way I would recommend doing ANYTHING is if you were 100% certain it was him. As in, you would bet your life on it being him in that photo. Otherwise, chalk it up to a lookalike.

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“Jaw With John” -Friends Have Pregnant Pause In Friendship

“I used to be very good friends with a colleague. We regularly socialized outside of work, and I was a frequent guest in her home.

This all changed, however, when (in my supervisory role) I followed work protocol and notified our human resources department that she was pregnant.

Even as other colleagues knew she was pregnant, my friend was furious that I informed HR. I don’t think I did anything wrong, but to keep the peace, I apologized to her repeatedly and sincerely.

On the surface, she appeared to accept my apology, but her attitude toward our friendship changed overnight. All interactions outside of work came to an abrupt halt. I thought that she needed time to get over what she regarded as a betrayal, but after several months, this is the new norm.

She recently gave birth and invited me over to meet her new baby. My husband thinks that this is an opportunity to mend fences and has encouraged me to visit her.

I can’t imagine doing this. I have been persona non grata at her house, and in her life, for several months now. The loss of our friendship has been incredibly painful, but I am slowly coming to terms with it.

If I could wave a magic wand and resume our friendship, I would. But because I no longer trust this person with my emotions, keeping my distance seems like the right course of action. Yet I worry that perhaps my husband is right. What do you think I should do? – Upset

Dear Upset,

I can tell you right off the bat that you violated her privacy by telling HR yourself. That’s not your call to make. It’s hers. You should have told her to tell HR and then she could’ve dealt with it her way.

As for the “magic wand” you keep are asking for, her inviting you over is just that.

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I’m Back: “Jaw With John” – NYC If Your Houseguest Friend Can Find Their Manners

I’ve had a dear friend for about 25 years — since we were toddlers.

We live in separate states with separate lives, and while we’re not incredibly close, we’ve managed to keep a friendship going.

I live in New York City and am lucky enough to have a spare bedroom in the apartment I share with my boyfriend.

My friend’s job allows him flight benefits, which he often uses to visit me for a few days once or twice a year. We usually have a great time hanging out and catching up.

Recently he invited himself and a new girlfriend to stay with us. I thought this was kind of rude but decided to overlook it. They stayed for four days, barely making time to see me at all, as he was showing her around the city.

We had one dinner together, which they did not offer to pay for, and drinks afterward, which they also did not offer to pay for.

They brought no host gift, didn’t clean up after themselves and left early in the morning to catch a flight home without saying goodbye. I waited a few weeks for a thank-you card or email, but never received one.

I never expected these things when he was casually visiting, but I feel like this situation is much different.

Lifelong friendship aside, the amount of money we saved them from having to spend on a hotel room in NYC for four days seems enough to warrant a small gift or round of drinks, or even a thank-you note. Do I have the right to be upset? And if so, how do I handle the situation going forward? — Offended Friend

Dear Offended:

Your friend needs to learn some manners.

It is common courtesy to ask if a second houseguest is permitted and on top of that at least offer to pay for dinner and/or drinks. Even if you were going to turn them down, simply making the gesture can be enough.

As for the “no host gift”, meh, I don’t see this as a real problem. I’ve stayed with dozens of friends in multiple cities, and even countries, and I never brought a host gift. What I did do was clean up after myself, make time to do things with my host/hostess, pay for things every once in a while, and leave a note or send a note thanking them afterwards.

You have every right to be upset. They used you as free housing in one of the premier travel destinations in the world. That just sucks. He can’t just drop in whenever he wants with whomever he wants.

Going forward, you need to tell him that his last visit left a bad taste in your mouth and see how you two can move on from there.

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“Jaw With John” – Follow-Up To Being Excluded

I have a story like “Torn’s,” whose best friend excluded Torn’s wife from a party invitation.

When we were dating, my husband introduced me to his best friend and the friend’s wife. He told them we were serious and would likely marry. The wife then issued several party invitations to my then-boyfriend, specifically excluding me. Regardless of whatever reasons she had for her behavior, we were a couple and expected to be treated as such. We did not attend the parties (and the friendship soon ended). — B

Dear B:

I approve. This behavior is not something that should be tolerated and to nip it in the bud, sometimes, the “friendship” must end.

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“Jaw With John” – Best Friend Code Violated? I Think So!

Last year I introduced my long-time best friend and her husband to my new next-door neighbors. All of us got together as couples. Right afterward I found out that my best friend and her husband invited my new neighbors to dinner. She never mentioned to me that she would like to get to know them better.

Best Friend has also visited the next-door neighbors, bringing a bottle of wine. I found out after the fact from the new neighbor.

This secrecy has made me distrustful and somewhat confused and hurt by the actions of my old friend. I have always been an open book with my closest friends, but she’s not like that. She tends to blow off any concerns I express and act like it’s not a big deal. I’ve overlooked small (and some big) slights in the past, but this neighbor thing (on top of other things) has changed my feelings about our friendship.

Am I being overly sensitive or did she break the “best friend code” by pursuing a friendship with my new next-door neighbors/friends without even mentioning it to me? — Disturbed

Dear Disturbed:

It seems like she poached your neighbor/friend. That’s definitely a no-no in the Best Friend Code book.

The fact that Best Friend is meeting up with the neighbor in secret (you finding out after-the-fact would make it a secret) is troublesome. She could have easily said that she wanted to get to know her better and filled you in on it, but she chose cloak and dagger. That’s revealing.

Maybe she’s tired of hanging around with you all of the time and now she has some variety in her friendship circle. Maybe she figures that you two already live next door and must see each other all of the time so she feels that this isn’t a big deal. Whatever the case may be, you should bring it up with Best Friend. Camping out by the blinds to catch a glimpse of her going next door and then catching her red handed isn’t the way to do it…or maybe…

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