Tag Archives: friends

Dear John: Friends Have Abused Free Rides To And From Airport

We are good friends with a couple who have taken two very nice vacations a year for the last several years. We are all in our late 60s.

When they book their trips, they intentionally fail to include ground transportation to and from the airport. They rely on having friends take them. The airport is about 45 minutes from where we live. They never offer to cover gas or parking for the trips. I feel it’s inconsiderate and poor manners. The wife is a very good friend. Her husband books the vacations, and she has to do the “begging.”

My husband and I take a limo to the airport. None of us lack the money for vacations. We now just make excuses to not accommodate them. I would appreciate your opinion. Should we just tell them the truth?

— AGGRAVATED IN ATLANTA

Dear Aggravated,

Goodness, gracious. These people!

I know these type of people.

These are the people who, in college, would ask for someone to pick them up from the airport when there was a FREE SHUTTLE that came every 10 minutes and dropped off directly across the street from campus! Whenever I would hear someone ask for a ride to and from the airport, I would always tell them “You know the shuttle is free and can be caught at the CalTrain station across from campus, right???” And they would stare at me with a Bus??? look and say they didn’t want to wait for the bus…SMDH. Gah!!! Now, I’m just getting mildly infuriated!

Anyway, back to you!

You should inform them of these businesses called a taxi or rideshare companies that perform the task of picking up and dropping off people at various places. They are truly remarkable.

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“Jaw With John” – Filter Your Friend’s “Alternative Facts”

An older friend and I have exchanged emails since last spring. Hers have been mostly political and disparaging toward minorities. I asked her to please not send this stuff since we have opposite opinions on the subject, and I don’t plan to change my mind. I enjoy our in-person talks because they are nothing like the emails she sends, which are “forwards” somebody else has put together.

I quit reading them, but is there a way to politely stop her from disseminating nasty propaganda? I have tried fact-checking and sending corrections to her and to those on the long list of people she has sent these emails. It doesn’t work. — Fact Checker

Dear Fact Checker,

There’s this wonderful new invention called the SPAM folder! You can filter alllllllllll her messages to that folder and then you can delete them all at once and be done with it!

Listen, there are some people who don’t want “facts” they want “alternative facts” that cover up the real truth and prop up a certain ideal situation that they think they’re living in…when it is in fact denial of the actual truth. Filter her messages and be done with them.

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I’m Back: “Jaw With John” – NYC If Your Houseguest Friend Can Find Their Manners

I’ve had a dear friend for about 25 years — since we were toddlers.

We live in separate states with separate lives, and while we’re not incredibly close, we’ve managed to keep a friendship going.

I live in New York City and am lucky enough to have a spare bedroom in the apartment I share with my boyfriend.

My friend’s job allows him flight benefits, which he often uses to visit me for a few days once or twice a year. We usually have a great time hanging out and catching up.

Recently he invited himself and a new girlfriend to stay with us. I thought this was kind of rude but decided to overlook it. They stayed for four days, barely making time to see me at all, as he was showing her around the city.

We had one dinner together, which they did not offer to pay for, and drinks afterward, which they also did not offer to pay for.

They brought no host gift, didn’t clean up after themselves and left early in the morning to catch a flight home without saying goodbye. I waited a few weeks for a thank-you card or email, but never received one.

I never expected these things when he was casually visiting, but I feel like this situation is much different.

Lifelong friendship aside, the amount of money we saved them from having to spend on a hotel room in NYC for four days seems enough to warrant a small gift or round of drinks, or even a thank-you note. Do I have the right to be upset? And if so, how do I handle the situation going forward? — Offended Friend

Dear Offended:

Your friend needs to learn some manners.

It is common courtesy to ask if a second houseguest is permitted and on top of that at least offer to pay for dinner and/or drinks. Even if you were going to turn them down, simply making the gesture can be enough.

As for the “no host gift”, meh, I don’t see this as a real problem. I’ve stayed with dozens of friends in multiple cities, and even countries, and I never brought a host gift. What I did do was clean up after myself, make time to do things with my host/hostess, pay for things every once in a while, and leave a note or send a note thanking them afterwards.

You have every right to be upset. They used you as free housing in one of the premier travel destinations in the world. That just sucks. He can’t just drop in whenever he wants with whomever he wants.

Going forward, you need to tell him that his last visit left a bad taste in your mouth and see how you two can move on from there.

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“Jaw With John” – Partner Left Out of B-Day Celebration

My best friend has a special birthday coming up. He has invited friends to a special dinner. This invitation includes myself, other individuals and some couples. Some are people I know, and some are not.

My dilemma is that he did not invite my partner. My partner has known him and his wife as long as I have. Other couples on the guest list include people with whom we have all socialized many times.

Initially I thought her name was left off by mistake, so I called him. He explained that there was no mistake; he was inviting only people with whom he felt especially close. He said he did not include her in that category. He said there were also some other couples where he had only invited one of the partners.

My partner was devastated by being left out and I feel in a terrible quandary about whether to attend. On one hand I respect and like him so much I feel honored to be invited at all, but on the other I feel my partner’s pain and I am also hurt that she was left out.

I feel torn two ways — but I am leaning toward not attending.

Can you offer any advice to me and comment on the propriety, or lack of it, in this situation? — Torn

Dear Torn:

Your friend is kind of an asshole.

He’s picking and choosing members of couples who he wants at his party. You said he’s known the both of you for a long time and yet he wants to include only you in the celebration? That doesn’t sound like much of a friendship. It sounds like he only truly values one of you and that’s not cool.

I think you need to decline the invitation and do something with your partner on that day instead. If, when you tell him, he changes his tune and decides that you can bring your partner along, still decline. Let him know that his selfish ways aren’t tolerated.

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“Jaw With John” – Robbing The Cradle Is Better Than Robbing The Grave

I’m a 16-year-old guy, and am going to be a junior in high school this year.

I’m attracted to a girl, “Randi,” who is a friend of my younger twin sisters. She is 14 and is going to be a freshman at the same school I go to.

We are very close friends, which causes a lot of tension with my sisters and my parents, who think I’m being inappropriate. Randi and I talk all the time, and she has also expressed some interest in me. I’ve been considering whether to ask her out and make it official.

Is my family right about her being too young? She’s very mature for her age. Should I continue to pursue this, or wait and possibly miss my chance? — Slightly Older Guy

Dear Slightly Older:

You’re not being inappropriate. You’re being a 16-year-old guy who happens to have a thing for a Freshman.

You might want to hold off on saying things like “She’s very mature for her age.” That’s the kind of stuff guys said on To Catch A Predator.

I say go after her. You can hold off for a bit as she settles in to the new school surroundings, ultimately still being present and letting her know you’re around to help. Stay her friend and when you feel that the time is right, ask her out.

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