“I was dating someone on and off for five years. He broke up with me suddenly last summer but we have hooked up (sexually) since then.
I found out three weeks ago that he had been seeing someone else that entire time and that they became engaged just after he broke it off with me, which makes me a wholly blindsided “other woman.”
So he cheated on his girlfriend with me almost the entire time they were together and continued to cheat on her after they became engaged. He always maintained that he was single and that she was “just a friend.”
Needless to say, I am devastated. It has come to my attention that even though his parents know the truth, he has not told his fiancee about me.
I feel sick over the whole thing and I think it’s very important that she know the truth about whom she is marrying, as the wedding is fast approaching.
Is there some way for me to let her know what’s going on without looking like I’m some vindictive, crazy ex-girlfriend just looking for revenge?
If I were in her position I would want to know. I don’t know what to do. I bet I feel guiltier about it than he does!
Also, how do I get past this? I still can’t believe it has happened, and I can’t believe someone I cared about so much and trusted completely could have acted this way and kept it up for so long. — Bewildered in Baltimore”
There is no way to come out of this looking good. You can’t force other people to feel a certain way about you. It’s just not possible.
You definitely need to tell the fiancee who she is about to marry. You can’t text, email, or call her. You need to tell her face-to-face something like this: “I had been with your fiance off and on for the last few years. All the while he maintained that you were ‘just a friend’ and he led me to believe that he was still single.” How she reacts from there is beyond you. You would’ve let her know and what follows will be her responsibility.
As for yourself, take some “Me time” and cut him out of your life completely. Go to a spa or do whatever you need to make yourself feel good to move on from this guy.