Tag Archives: Failure To Launch

If They Updated Matthew McConaughey Movies

Once you win an Academy Award it stays with you forever. The same can be said for Emmy’s, Grammy’s, Tony’s etc. Your following work, whether it’s an album, movie, or TV show will highlight that achievement. Hell, even if you get nominated you might get that recognition as well.

But what about your past efforts? You know, the ones that maybe weren’t all that great, bad even, or were ignored completely. What about them?

This brought me to the talents of Matthew McConaughey. The dude has been on something of a hot streak over the last few years and while I have always liked the guy, he rarely delivered. Now he’s in high demand. He did the fantastic True Detective and I was equally impressed with his work in Interstellar, following up his Best Actor win for Dallas Buyers Club.

But this being the “alright alright alright” guy I decided to look back at some of his more… less memorable efforts and advertise that Oscar win to see how it would look. Let’s peek into his mind to see what he’s thinking on these posters…

wedding planner

“You know I’m a doctor because he wears glasses. Now you know I’m an Oscar winner too.”

What bothers me about this movie is that he picks out the colored M&M’s because he says that since chocolate is naturally brown the brown they have less artificiality in them…if he was a real doctor he’d know that to create brown you have to COMBINE multiple colors. They don’t just spray it with chocolate, it’s a candy-coated shell just like the rest of them…

Sahara

“Hell yeah, I got skinny and won an Oscar years and years after this. Sorry Steve.”

Double whammy here with Penelope Cruz also getting a nod to her win for Vicky Cristina Barcelona.

how to lose a guy in 10 days

“Hey Kate, remember that time I won an Oscar and you didn’t but probably should have over that movie Marcia Gay Harden was in that no one really saw?…Yeah, me neither. What’s this P.O.S. about again? 10 Days?!?? You’re not getting rid of me in 10 days! I played a guy who had aids for like … 10 years!”

ghosts of girlfriends past

“Is that a scarf you’re choking me with Jennifer? You can’t choke a future Oscar winner. It’s Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, not Oscar winners.”

fools gold

“Ahhh Kate it’s OK, you’ve still got a ridiculously skinny body. Is this photoshopped? Alright, who gives a shit. I’m here for the tan… The title of this one now has double meaning… am I right!?”

failure to launch

“I’m sorry you all had to see Terry Bradshaw’s butt.”

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“Jaw With John” – Wean Boyfriend Off Home

I am in a new relationship. We are very much in love and have similar values and relationship goals.

I am 35 and have been living on my own for over 10 years. My boyfriend is 30 and has never lived on his own. He is Chinese-American and has said that he still lives at home for cultural reasons. We have made the decision to move in together, but now we have run into problems.

He is having a harder time adjusting to this change than I expected. I was practically thrown out the door as a young adult, encouraged strongly to build a life on my own. Therefore I lack the empathy needed to understand his point of view. He isn’t moving across the country (like I did) — he’s moving only 10 miles away!

I’m hurt and think he is no longer excited about taking this step. I feel rejected and sad on the nights he chooses to sleep back at his home. What can we do to get through this? — Lonely at Home

Dear Lonely:

Just because he’s having a hard time adjusting, doesn’t mean he isn’t happy.

You’re, admittedly, not making this easy on him by lacking empathy. If you think it’s harder on you than it is him then you need to look outside yourself and see what’s really going on. In some cultures it is perfectly acceptable for a child to live with their parents until they get married. He seems to be in a transitional period and needs some time to figure things out. This isn’t Failure To Launch though, I am certain of that.

You could always move further away so that he’d have to take a plane or train to sleep at home, but you’re not that cruel … Are you?

You will need to address this issue with him and see what YOU can do to help make him feel more comfortable in his new home. Wean him off sleeping at home and openly discuss what he wants out of this relationship and then go from there. It’ll be a process, but if you truly love him and want to be with him then you will do whatever you can to make it work.

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