Tag Archives: facebook

“Jaw With John” – How To Be Anti-Social on The Social Network

I am a 60-something-year-old woman who, although I am very “up” on all technology, absolutely hates Facebook! I find it intrusive and a place where most of the posts I’ve read on other people’s pages are just downright bragging about kids, grandkids, money, etc., etc. Some of the posts are completely stupid.

I have a friend who decided it would be a great idea to become FB friends with my 30-year-old daughter.

Now she repeats everything that is on my daughter’s page and it drives me completely nuts. I have told her how much I hate Facebook but she just doesn’t get it. If I did go on Facebook, I would never go on her daughter’s page. I am not that nosy and I don’t need to read every little comment that is made or look at pictures of people I have no interest in. Any suggestions on how I should go about this without losing my friend over it? — Furious over Facebook

Dear Furious:

Facebook, and similar sites, are social networks. They are an extension of yourself into the digital realm. The difference between real life and the digital world is that you can control what you put out there for people to see, what you report on, and what you post. For someone who is “‘up’ on all technology” you seem to lack this basic understanding. You can be friends with anyone you choose, or not choose. You can even be friends with someone but unfollow them so you wouldn’t see anything they posted but still be their friend. Hell, you could be friends with TONS of people but unfollow them all so you would see nothing but still be “connected” on Facebook.

By joining you could also do away with the entire conversation you have with this friend. You could say “Yes, I saw that because I’m on Facebook now” and that could hopefully end the conversation. You could even lie about seeing said post to stop that topic from ever coming up again. This is pretty anti-social, but it would get your friend off your back.

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“Jaw With John” – Oversharing At It’s Finest

I recently responded to a friend’s Facebook post. She had posted a picture from her past. I commented on how nice it was to see the photo and what great memories it brought back.

She then responded to my post with a cringe-worthy comment, asking if I remembered a certain night with “so and so.”

I do remember those days well. They are buried deep — just where I want them. My family (kids, husband, other relatives, etc.) see these responses.

I have no intentions of sharing stories of youthful indiscretions with the aforementioned FB friend. I just wish everyone would be mindful of comments made beyond “nice picture” or “brings back memories.”

I’m sure I’ll catch a lot of heat from readers, but I want to keep my past to myself.

What do you think? — What’s Past is Past

Dear Past:

I think you have a point here. Obviously there are certain things you don’t want aired out and yet your friend treated the reply button as a personal message between the two of you. It’s oversharing. Social networks are littered with oversharing. It sometimes makes you want to go all Eduardo Saverin on the computer and slam it on the table.

Here’s what you can do: 1) Ignore it and move on. 2) Delete your original response so people seeing the responses won’t know she’s talking to or about you (unless she wrote your name/tagged you in the post). 3) Message her directly and say “Listen Linda, please don’t bring up my tryst with Todd from ages ago. I would prefer my kids and husband to not see or know about this part of my past.”

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“Jaw With John” – She’s Unreasonable AND Hates Harry Potter…Yikes

My husband’s sister-in-law’s posts on Facebook are extremely offensive, insulting and aggressive, often personally directed at those who do not agree with her. She is bigoted, mean and always angry.

After multiple gentle attempts to explain how her words made her sound, I eventually “unfriended” and blocked her. I am not alone in our family in doing so. She now pointedly snubs me and these others at family gatherings. As she was always unpredictable and occasionally offensive in person as well, I feel no loss, but my husband is uncomfortable and wants me to “make up” with her.

This is a woman who has called me a “witch” for allowing my kids contact with Harry Potter books/movies, says my gay friends are inhabited by “familial demons,” accuses my daughter’s Muslim employer of being a terrorist, proudly calls herself an anarchist, says she is ready to shoot anyone who is not “on her side of the fence” with her gun (she really has one) and so on.

If anyone actually tries to engage with her, she will spam them with emails and text messages. I believe she may be mentally ill. My husband says, regardless, “family is family.”

When we have visited his brother and her in the past, he would go off with his brother and have a nice time, leaving me alone with this nut job to walk on proverbial eggshells. Since the Facebook incident, and her ensuing snub, I am relieved to be unburdened of the connection. I have told my husband he is welcome to visit his long-suffering brother solo. Am I being unreasonable? — Free at Last

Dear Free:

Muggles. Am I right????

You’re perfectly within your right here. Now it’s time for you to step back, and away, from her. If she is that important to your husband then he can go and spend time with her. You’ve done your part and frankly, the people who think that exposing a child to Harry Potter is a bad thing deserve zero in return. That’s asinine.

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“Jaw With John” – Marilynsanity

My uncle’s wife, “Marilyn,” is very difficult. She invites herself to other peoples’ Facebook accounts, tells humiliating stories about others and keeps tabs on other people’s private information.

She has been passive-aggressively taunting me for being single after my very difficult breakup with a girlfriend. I have not been in a stable relationship since my breakup, but both of my younger brothers have significant others, and Marilyn throws this in my face. She has also done this to those who have lost spouses and are still grieving, upsetting them deeply.

Marilyn even invited my ex-girlfriend to a private family gathering where she didn’t belong. My ex attended and was provocatively dressed (I feel just to embarrass me), and was revealing her reputation for shameless promiscuity.

My uncle can’t control Marilyn’s behavior. This type of harassment even got her slapped with a no-contact order by a family member, which she was clearly asking for.

How do I make it clear that I do not appreciate this type of humiliation and disrespect without resorting to such legal restraint? — Alienated Nephew

Dear Nephew:

Your Aunt sounds like a bitch. A bitch who wants nothing more than to stir up controversy and see how others react with no regards to their feelings. AKA a psychopath.

When I think of your aunt I’m reminded of what Alfred said when he was describing The Joker in The Dark Knight: “Because some [wo]men aren’t looking for anything logical, like money. They can’t be bought, bullied, reasoned, or negotiated with. Some [wo]men just want to watch the world burn.”

When it comes to Facebook you can block, unfollow, or simply unfriend your aunt so she can’t see what you’re up to anymore and limit who can see your information, posts, etc. It is also possible to delete her posts. If you want to be passive aggressive right back to her you could do that. You seem averse to talking to her directly. So, beyond telling your aunt freeze bitch, there’s not much else you can do here.

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“Jaw With John” – Ease Her Pain. Go The Distance.

I am a baby boomer with one old college friend. We were very close once and are still friends on Facebook. I have not seen her for 10 years.

On Facebook she sounds not exactly senile but a little crazy. She has poor health and I see online that one of the drugs she takes can cause delusions and symptoms of dementia.

She was once a brilliant woman. But her posts are mostly political rants or fan worship for her favorite pop star.

I am traveling to her city soon. Part of me wants to see her — for old times’ sake. Part of me thinks I will be depressed and horrified to see her now. I know from the death of my parents how hard it is to erase negative images of someone from my mind.

I guess I am writing to ask for permission not to visit her. Or as one of her oldest friends — should I visit her?

I loved her once but I am not sure I would like her now. — Sad to See

Dear Sad:

You don’t have to see her if you don’t want to. It’s that simple.

But maybe you should.

You might have answered your own question when you mentioned your parents. You want to remember them as they were but you need to be with them as they go so that they know you cared. Perhaps you should make a quick trip and see your friend. You might not get another chance.

*My question to you though is: How do you know what drugs she’s taking? Is she posting them on Facebook or are you super nosy? Also, if she’s a baby boomer who’s here favorite pop star? Half of The Beatles are dead. Madonna is a shade of her former self. And I highly doubt she’s a Tay-Sway super fan so her pop star posts are intriguing to me.*

 

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