Tag Archives: divorce

“Jaw With John” – Let Husband Swing Somewhere Else

My husband wants to be with other women. He has spent the last 12 years asking for a threesome. I love him and don’t want to share him with the world, but he doesn’t love me the same.

We have been together more than 29 years. He says he just wants to have fun. Since I’m not interested in swinging with him and others, should I just get a divorce? I believe he won’t be complete until he gets to enjoy his life the way he wants, and I’m tired of having my feelings hurt each time he meets someone he wants to be with.

I’m a 51-year-old woman who is still very sexually active, yet I am not enough for him. I have tried everything. I’m tired. — DOESN’T WANT TO SHARE HIM

Dear Doesn’t Want To Share,

The situation you and your husband are in reminds me of this scene from Old School:

It seems as if your husband is experiencing the same thing as Will Ferrell’s character…only 29 years later.

I feel that you, just as in the movie, are unfortunately on the road for divorce. You have reached the point where an unstoppable force (husband) has met an immovable object (you). You won’t blink and compromise on your morals and he’s like a dog with a bone(r). It’s time to find a lawyer and let him wet his whistle somewhere else.

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“Jaw With John” – Leave, Get Out, Right Now

My husband “Steve” and I have been married for eight years, and together for a total of 12. He’s 31; I’m 28.

Five years ago I cheated on him with my best friend. My husband found out about it and I came clean about everything. I haven’t seen or been in touch with the other person since then.

For the past five years my life has been a living hell. Steve goes through my phone, texts, calls, emails, social media and mail. I just ignore this because I have nothing to hide.

If I’m talking on the phone I’m instantly accused of talking to “my boyfriend.” He has been emotionally and verbally abusive, and has been physically abusive twice. When I suggested marriage counseling he said I “wasn’t worth it, never have been and never will be.” He’s “thrown me out” on numerous occasions and then once I pack up my personal belongings he becomes loving and caring toward me.

Two weeks ago he sent me a text saying I had two hours to get home or he was throwing all of my stuff in the front lawn. When I got home he had all of my stuff packed.

I moved out. Steve and I have talked, but he still refuses marriage counseling. He wants me to move back in, says he loves me and doesn’t want me to leave. He said he will give me a month to move back in or he’s filing for divorce.

I don’t know what to do. I’ve lost all but one of my friends and have lost contact with most of my family because of Steve, so I don’t have many people to talk to. I know the easiest thing would be to go back to him, but I just feel in a few months everything will go back to the way it was. — Walking on Eggshells

Dear Walking:

I’m going to defer this question to my friend Smeagol. Let’s hear what he has to say:

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“Jaw With John” – Marriage Contingency Plan

My partner of three years and I are very happy together and love each other. We are in our mid-20s, live together and have discussed future plans, although neither of us feels ready for marriage yet.

We both agree that in the next five to 10 years, we’d like to be married with kids. My qualm is this: He doesn’t think that a lifelong commitment is realistic. He thinks that after an unspecified amount of time divorce or unhappiness are inevitable and that no two people can sustain a happy relationship “forever.”

I almost want to ask if he sees himself married (to anyone) and keeping separate retirement accounts — but he might actually think that’s a good idea.

Can you suggest a more level-headed approach? I want to know if I’m wasting my time with someone who does not want the same future I do.

There are good reasons people split up, but I think making this commitment with an exit plan creates a self-fulfilling prophecy.

What do you think? — Anxious

Dear Anxious:

He’s right about one thing: that no two people can sustain a happy relationship forever. That’s impossible. There will be ups and downs but if there truly is a connection then the storm can be weathered together.

My question to you is why do you want to be with someone who is so negative about the long term? This shows that he doesn’t believe that you and he will be together forever. If you still want to go through with marriage then you should have a contingency plan for that inevitable exit. Keep your finances separate and your ear to the ground.

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“Jaw With John” – Ditch This Bitch

I have been married for one year. My spouse and I were out of work for about six months. I used my savings and unemployment to pay bills. My spouse hasn’t contributed or tried to get employment.

I started a job immediately when my unemployment ran out. I found out my spouse pawned the wedding ring (a treasured heirloom) to buy a cellphone and make vehicle repairs. I used the last of my savings — set aside for mortgage payment — to get it out of hock.

My wife spends more time with her phone than with me. I said I thought we should get a divorce (due to the betrayal, lying about pawning the ring, and various other untruths) and there was no argument. She said, “If that’s what you want, there is nothing to talk about.”

I know I will be making the right choice to divorce. I am very unhappy in the relationship. I think I am just being used to keep a roof over her head. Please help. — Me or the Phone

Dear Me:

I hope you didn’t “seal the deal”, that way you can get an annulment. But it sounds to me like you did. That’s too bad or else this would be better for you.

You seem to have your mind made up, as does she, so I think there is nothing more for me to do here except to wish you “bonne chance” in your future endeavors!

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“Jaw With John” – Many Marriages Maketh The Man

Many years ago, my first wife’s father died suddenly. My wife totally changed and this led to a divorce.

In my marriages that followed (and there were several), something unexpected arose, unraveling the relationships. I ask myself, “Was it just bad luck or poor judgment?”

I have been married to a wonderful woman for the last 32 years (no more surprises!). I have been a great husband and she is happy.

Yet in discussions about relationships within her family, people actually have had the nerve to say, “And how many times have you been married?” Although most of my marriages were at an early age, I am still held accountable for those failures.

How do I rid myself of the stigma I carry? — Tired of Taking It

Dear Tired:

You gotta own it bro. That’s the only way you can move on, which you have since you’ve been married for 32 years. Be self-deprecating when it’s brought up. If done right, it can be funny and add levity to the whole situation and will help you move on. It will also show others that you’re not your past marriages and could lead to them not bringing it up again.

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