Tag Archives: daughter

Dear John – Your Daughter Is A Brat, She Doesn’t Know Everything But She Talks Back

I recently traveled to Germany to help my 19-year-old daughter settle in for her semester of study abroad. I was in tears the entire trip home, not because I was sad to leave her, but because she kept lashing out at me for anything from using a cotton swab to following proper directions exiting the train, to asking simple — but, in her mind, ridiculous — questions. This is not new behavior. Her brother has also observed her overreactive behavior to minor things.

I treated her and her roommate to dinners out and stocked her apartment with groceries, in addition to making significant financial contributions toward her tuition. I’m also splitting the cost of her monthly rent with her dad.

I feel hurt, like she regards me as only an ATM. She wouldn’t even let me use her European electrical adapter to charge my phone before leaving for the airport.

Should I convey how hurt I feel and, if so, what are your suggestions? I feel if I have a phone conversation, she will sigh, tell me she doesn’t have time for this or accuse me of being a killjoy. If I put it in a letter, I’ll feel like a coward, but it will allow me to express my feelings without interruption or protest.

— UNAPPRECIATED IN VERMONT

Dear Unappreciated,

You definitely need to convey how hurt you feel! Your daughter is being a brat. You didn’t have to fly all the way to Germany to help her settle in. My parents didn’t do that when I went to Australia. They sent me off, lent me some money, and I took care of the rest once I got there. She is abusing you.

Write the letter. You said so yourself that you’ll be able to get all of your feelings out on paper without interruption, so do that. It is not cowardly. You will be communicating in the most effective way for you and that’s important! You will need to address her behavior and give her an ultimatum. You can’t continue to fund her life and be treated like that. It’s not right. She needs to learn how to act and behave like a proper human being.

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Dear John: Mom Feels That 3rd Time Is Not The Charm For Daughter

My daughter is on her third marriage to a pretty nice guy, but she’s also in regular contact with her first husband by text, email, and phone. And now, her present husband is also in contact with an ex-girlfriend (hanging out, having lunch, etc.). What part of this picture am I not getting?

— SUSPICIOUS MOM AND IN-LAW IN ARIZONA

Dear Suspicious,

You are getting the entire picture. Your daughter is either on the verge of ending yet another marriage or they are trying to get into swinging.

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Dear John: Daughter’s Birthday Demands Kill Happy Mood

My 30-year-old daughter has extremely high expectations for her birthday. No one in the family has ever given her a gift that she liked, so now we actually have to get the gift approved by her husband first!

She doesn’t like gift cards, and our budget is small. Although she barely acknowledges anyone else’s birthday, she still expects the “perfect” present for her own. We love her and want to celebrate with her, but the expectations and confrontations make her birthdays miserable for everyone — including her. How do we stop this?

— BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION

Dear Birthday,

… You stop it by not celebrating with her? Maybe?

JK, you clearly love her but now it’s at the point where it’s just inducing stress and misery.

You know, she’s acting like Dudley Dursley on his birthday. He wasn’t pleased that there weren’t more presents than the previous year which causes Vernon to say that they’ll get one at the zoo to make up for it. Needless to say, their bending to his whim and coddling of him didn’t turn Dudley into a proper human being.

Don’t be the Dursley’s.

Don’t give in to her demands of getting the “perfect present.” The very fact that you are getting her anything should be celebrated. Maybe the time has come to celebrate the day with a nice dinner out at a restaurant of her choosing and that would be it. That’s a wrap on the presents.

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Dear John: Mom Is Angry At Lesbian Daughter, I Am Angry At Mom

My daughter recently informed me that she has met someone and the someone happens to be a woman. My reaction was, of course, shock and anger, although I have kind of suspected over the years that she is a lesbian.

She is 43 and was married for 10 years. She has two children and has been divorced for about 11 years now. She dated a few guys, but either had no luck with them or it didn’t last.

I don’t know how to handle this because I’m against people being gay. I see it as unnatural and think they all have issues. I don’t treat gay people any different from anyone else, but I do keep them at a distance. Now I don’t know how to proceed with our relationship. Please help. — SHOCKED AND ANGRY MOM

Dear Shocked:

I’m against people being gay.” So, you’re saying you’re intolerant. Even going so far as to admit that you “keep them at a distance.” Wow. So much fear and malice flows through your body. I feel sorry for your closed worldview. Gay people are no different than heterosexual, pansexual, or bisexual people.

Your daughter was living a life that wasn’t truly her life because she was not out and open with her sexuality. This is who your daughter is, a lesbian. And you cannot now claim shock when you say you suspected it over the years. You just didn’t want it to be true because of your view of gay people. Your remark about her having no luck or it not lasting with guys she dated is very troublesome. She had “no luck” because she wasn’t into dating men!

You need to apologize to your daughter, hope for forgiveness and a dialogue to start because all she has done is become her true self and now she can live the life that she wants to live.

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Dear John: Teenage Daughter Is Dating A Weirdo, By My Standards

My daughter is 19 and lives with me. She is seeing a 26-year-old man who has a child with another woman he didn’t marry.

When my daughter goes out with him, he keeps her out until 3:30 a.m. or later. He has done this twice that I know of. I had a conversation with him, and he assured me he would make sure she is home before midnight, to no avail.

I don’t think he’s good for my daughter. Should I forbid her from seeing him (because she lives in my house) or let her make her own decision? We are not going to raise a baby out of wedlock! — TEEN’S DAD

Dear Dad:

Forbidding a teenager to do something will just make them do it more. Take it from me. When my mom forbid me from watching Who Framed Roger Rabbit because she found the sexy Jessica Rabbit, well – too sexy, that only made me watch it whenever she wasn’t around.

In regards to the other thing, firstly why is a 26-year-old dating a 19-year-old? That’s just weird and a little creepy on so many levels. I get that it’s legal and everything but a year ago your daughter was in high school and this dude has been, presumably, out of college for at least three years…I dunno, maybe I’m being a prude here but he’s a weirdo. Secondly, talk with her and tell her how you feel! You can literally show her an example (her current BF) about what can happen if you have a child young and you are not prepared for it. After that, you just hope she heard you because she is legally an adult and no longer under your “rule” so to speak.

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