Tag Archives: boyfriend

Dear John: You Can Find Boyfriend In Da Strip Club

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half. We are planning on moving to California together in a few months.

I flew to Monterey to job hunt, and he is supposed to be flying in soon. However, last night I found out he and his buddy went to a strip club. My boyfriend knows I’m uncomfortable with him going to strip clubs, and he assured me that they would not be going when we spoke on the phone earlier in the evening.

He says I’m controlling and childish for being angry at him. I told him it’s either me or the strip clubs — mostly just to see how he would react. His response was that freedom of choice is very important to him. I even went as far as to say if he feels the need to go to strip clubs, then I would start stripping on the side to spite him.

I’m tempted to cancel his ticket to California. I don’t want him flying here if we are just going to fight. Is this situation worth the cost of a relationship? How do I deal with someone so stubborn to the point he can’t see when he’s in the wrong? He is in the wrong, isn’t he? — CHOICE IS CLEAR

 

Dear Choice,

Does he visit strip clubs often? Because if he did, then I could see how that would be a problem. If he doesn’t but he still just continues to go (and you’re SUPER pissed about it) even when you’ve broadcasted your feelings about going, then it might be time to hitch your wagon to a new horse.

If you guys don’t break up, let me know when and where I can watch you dance. But HEY! If you do go that route, you might be able to spend more time with your boyfriend. Win-Win.

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Dear John: Teenage Daughter Is Dating A Weirdo, By My Standards

My daughter is 19 and lives with me. She is seeing a 26-year-old man who has a child with another woman he didn’t marry.

When my daughter goes out with him, he keeps her out until 3:30 a.m. or later. He has done this twice that I know of. I had a conversation with him, and he assured me he would make sure she is home before midnight, to no avail.

I don’t think he’s good for my daughter. Should I forbid her from seeing him (because she lives in my house) or let her make her own decision? We are not going to raise a baby out of wedlock! — TEEN’S DAD

Dear Dad:

Forbidding a teenager to do something will just make them do it more. Take it from me. When my mom forbid me from watching Who Framed Roger Rabbit because she found the sexy Jessica Rabbit, well – too sexy, that only made me watch it whenever she wasn’t around.

In regards to the other thing, firstly why is a 26-year-old dating a 19-year-old? That’s just weird and a little creepy on so many levels. I get that it’s legal and everything but a year ago your daughter was in high school and this dude has been, presumably, out of college for at least three years…I dunno, maybe I’m being a prude here but he’s a weirdo. Secondly, talk with her and tell her how you feel! You can literally show her an example (her current BF) about what can happen if you have a child young and you are not prepared for it. After that, you just hope she heard you because she is legally an adult and no longer under your “rule” so to speak.

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“Jaw With John” – A Potential One That Got Away Shouldn’t Anchor You Down

“I have been with my boyfriend for two years. Until recently, we were inseparable and I loved his company. I got a job that required me to temporarily relocate and be on my own, so we saw each other only every other week. During that time, I gained a better understanding of who I am and how I want to spend my time.

Since then, I have realized that my boyfriend and I may not be as compatible as I once thought. We discussed it, and he’s willing to do anything to make it work. But some things can’t be changed, such as his interests and small quirks he has. I’m having a hard time because I want to break things off, but then I worry that he could be “the one that got away.” Any advice would be appreciated. — LOOKING FOR THE ONE

Dear Looking,

It looks as though absence did not make your heart grow fonder.

You’ve had the opportunity to take a step back and examine things from a far. And from that distance, you’ve seen that maybe this thing you thought was a well-oiled machine was in fact being held together by duct tape and bubble gum.

You shouldn’t be with someone because they may end up being “the one that got away.” That’s not fair to you or your boyfriend. It would be cheating you and him out of potential happiness somewhere else. It sounds like it’s time to let him go and let him find someone who shares his interests and enjoys his quirks.

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“Jaw With John” – Confused Feelings For An Ex

I broke up with my boyfriend about six months ago. We were in a relationship for four months, and the entire time it was like we were just friends. He was scared to advance the relationship, so I ended it.

Now I am starting to develop feelings for him again, and I realize that I made a horrible mistake.

All of my friends hate him, so they kept pressuring me to break up with him. They have very bad judgment and never took the time to get to know him. At the time, I was angry at him for ditching me in the middle of a date because it was “too awkward.” But, nevertheless, I have feelings again. What should I do?

— Confused

Dear Confused,

I’m surprised you let it last four months without taking things to the next step. Personally, I was in one of those. It only lasted a month before I realized that the girl was only looking for a friend to hangout with, so I ended things. I wasn’t going to be strung along looking for a relationship while she was using me to do stuff and go places.

Why do you want to be strung along?

He clearly didn’t look at you the same way that you did. He, also, was unwilling to deepen your bond by becoming more intimate. What has changed in you? Do you feel that you can change him? Are you Jack from Lost in that you need someone to fix something at all times? (Timely reference, I know)

Hey, those feelings of having made a mistake are natural. I’d like to think that the woman who just broke up with me is rethinking her actions but she probably isn’t. She’s probably moved on and looking to date other guys…I digress. But if the relationship with this guy is like playing tennis against a curtain, then I think it’s time to look elsewhere.

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“Jaw With John” – Girlfriend’s Strength Has Got Him Pinned

I’m an average guy, fitness-wise. My girlfriend, always naturally sporty, has been at the gym for a year. Our fitness paths collided when I was enjoying a coffee with her and her training partner at home.

On prompting by her trainer, my girlfriend flexed and her bicep popped up so high my eyes bulged. Her partner then prodded me to flex. I didn’t want to, as I knew my muscle wasn’t as developed. The partner felt both our flexed arms and declared mine softer. She then pushed us to arm wrestle.

I am 3 inches taller than she and I am a man, so I thought I should win. Anyway, after two times on the right and once on the left, I ended up with the back of my hand securely pinned down to the table — to their extreme delight. I feel extremely embarrassed.

This has changed the dynamics in our relationship. She will now teasingly flex when she wants something. And she enjoys challenging me in public. I have now been defeated in arm wrestling in front of her parents and a group of her girlfriends. It’s hard to adjust.

— Outmuscled

Dear Outmuscled,

There’s a part of me that wants to tell you “Get over it and laugh it off” because physical strength isn’t everything. But you seem to believe that you have been stripped of your masculinity because of this situation. That sucks.

I’m comparing apples to oranges here, but if a girl beat me I’d shrug it off and go “Damn! She’s strong!” and yeah, I do know some very strong women – one of them plays semi-professional football so she’s tough. But … that’s me. Back to you.

Your girlfriend is proud of her strength and she likes to flex her muscles, pun intended. But it comes at a cost, and that cost is you. Tell her that you find it embarrassing, demeaning and that you would not be subjecting her to the same treatment if the roles were reversed (at least, I hope you wouldn’t) and go from there. Or you could hit the gym yourself and give her a taste of her own medicine…better to go with the first option.

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