Category Archives: Advice

Dear John: Extended Family Takes Advantage Of Open-Door Policy

I have three sisters-in-law. I have been a part of their family for 15 years. We all get along (for the most part).

Recently, my husband and I purchased a home. We have an open-door policy for people to come and use our pool. We also host family gatherings.

At our latest gathering, I noticed two of his sisters wearing my clothes. One volunteered: “We were wet from the pool, and found these in your dryer.” I was assured that I would get the clothes back that night, but they were never returned to me.

Last weekend there was a birthday party. They made off with some towels.

I went to their home, and found a blanket that was given to me by my mother being used as a curtain in one of their bedrooms.

One sister asked me if she could borrow a shirt, and I obliged. She wore neither of the two options that I lent her, and has not returned them.

I prefer not to be confrontational. I know this is petty because at the end of the day, those things do not really matter. I feel frustrated because people are violating my kindness and my space.

People come over knowing that they’re going swimming. Is it my responsibility to provide them with clothing and towels?

– Put Upon

Dear Put Upon,

Step one: Get your shit back. Whether it is behind their back or directly confronting them (which sounds like it might not be your favorite option), get it back. They are taking advantage of your hospitality.

Step two: Close your open door and set rules for when people come over to use your pool. You can still be hospitable but be firm with your guests and let them know that you have towels to use but it’s best that they bring their own. As far as the clothing, that’s on the guest. You’re not a department store carrying multiple sizes and looks of clothes. Screw them and make them bring their own clothes!

Whenever I go over to a friend’s house to swim I always bring my own towel and clothes to change in to. What is wrong with these idiots??? Ah, yeah, they’re idiots.

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Dear John: Creeper Dad Found Out Kid’s Friend Does Porn

There is a 31-year-old woman who has been a part of our family since she was a teenager. She and my kids grew up together and they are still good friends.

Her parents are good friends of my wife and me. She is Phi Beta Kappa and graduated magna cum laude from a good college. She has a postgraduate degree from a very prestigious university.

She is in a job she’s had for eight years. She currently makes more than $80,000 a year and is extremely secure.

By an absolutely bizarre twist of fate, I just found out she has been acting in hardcore pornographic videos for the last year, distributed by one of (what I understand is) the biggest production companies in that business. There were 10 pages of her videos when I Googled her stage name.

I am in shock. I am so afraid for her future if her employer, or someone else, makes the same discovery. She’s an adult and is free to make her choices, but if someone makes the connection, in this internet-fueled world, it will follow her for the rest of her life. I’m afraid she’ll lose her job and never be taken seriously as a professional again. I’m afraid for her health and safety.

I have not talked to anyone about this. Whom (if anybody) should I tell? Should I just shut up and let the chips fall where they may? We all love this girl very much, and I’m heartsick. What is the right thing to do?

— Worried Friend

Dear Friend,

“By an absolutely bizarre twist of fate” my ass! You were looking up porn, my man! No need to hide it. It’s OK.

First things first, It’s none of your business. She’s a grown woman who is making her own decisions about her life. She is being safe and is able to balance both of her lives WITHOUT YOU. You are not responsible for her in any way shape or form. It is her life.

Secondly, you’re a creeper.

You list all of these accomplishments she’s received over the years as if that’s supposed to tilt me in your favor. What a loaded question you’ve asked. People can be super successful and want to do other things in their lives. This other thing happens to be porn. Now, before I tell you to pound sand once more I have to ask, what’s her stage name?

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Dear John: Friend Wants More Benefits

During the last year, a female friend of mine has started suggesting that she wants more from our relationship than just a friendship. She has had a history of doing this whenever she becomes friends with a guy.

When she started sending me pictures that became more and more suggestive, I decided to distance myself from her. But in the last month, she has been getting increasingly bold with her advances. How do I handle this without hurting her? — FRIEND AND NOTHING MORE IN IOWA

Dear Friend,

She wants what she can’t have and in this instance that is you! She sounds like the kind of person who is in to the “thrill of the hunt”, if you will. But you, you want nothing to do with her. Are you sure you want nothing to do with her? I mean, are the photos nice? Asking for a friend. If you don’t want anything to do with her or her advances you need to put your foot down and tell her directly “Listen Karen, I appreciate our friendship but I am not interested in taking things further.” If she ignores your words and presses on, then you get to running and run as far away as your legs can take you!

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Dear John: You Can Find Boyfriend In Da Strip Club

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half. We are planning on moving to California together in a few months.

I flew to Monterey to job hunt, and he is supposed to be flying in soon. However, last night I found out he and his buddy went to a strip club. My boyfriend knows I’m uncomfortable with him going to strip clubs, and he assured me that they would not be going when we spoke on the phone earlier in the evening.

He says I’m controlling and childish for being angry at him. I told him it’s either me or the strip clubs — mostly just to see how he would react. His response was that freedom of choice is very important to him. I even went as far as to say if he feels the need to go to strip clubs, then I would start stripping on the side to spite him.

I’m tempted to cancel his ticket to California. I don’t want him flying here if we are just going to fight. Is this situation worth the cost of a relationship? How do I deal with someone so stubborn to the point he can’t see when he’s in the wrong? He is in the wrong, isn’t he? — CHOICE IS CLEAR

 

Dear Choice,

Does he visit strip clubs often? Because if he did, then I could see how that would be a problem. If he doesn’t but he still just continues to go (and you’re SUPER pissed about it) even when you’ve broadcasted your feelings about going, then it might be time to hitch your wagon to a new horse.

If you guys don’t break up, let me know when and where I can watch you dance. But HEY! If you do go that route, you might be able to spend more time with your boyfriend. Win-Win.

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Dear John: Every Rose Has A Thorn. Even An Artificial One

My brother-in-law died a month ago and was cremated by the local affiliate of a prominent funeral home. To make it easier for my sister, I accompanied her to the mortuary to pick up her husband’s remains. I walked in alone, and as I returned to the car with his urn, a young funeral home employee in a black suit and scuffed shoes followed me. Through the window of the car, he presented my sister an artificial red rose and said, “We’re sorry for your loss.”

My sister and I were appalled by the insincerity of this gesture, and I called and told the funeral home director that the sentiments were as phony as the rose. He said, “I thought it was a great idea,” and couldn’t understand our reaction. Were we wrong? — RESENTING PHONY SENTIMENTS

Dear Resting:

Daaaaaaaaaayummmmm! Calling out the man’s shoes like that!??! Not cool. You should’ve just politely declined. That’s it.

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