Monthly Archives: January 2017

“Jaw With John” – Joke Shocks Baker, And Not In A Good Way

I am a member of a 50-piece wind ensemble. We have a break for cookies and coffee on practice nights, once a week. I have made homemade cookies for our break for more than 25 years.

In May, we have an outdoor concert. I have brought cookies each year for after our performance. This year one of the newer band members asked me if I had “rat poison” in them!

I was shocked and asked him to repeat what he said to make sure I heard correctly! His response, “It was just a joke.” I don’t understand this type of humor. I have continued to make cookies for the band, but I think about his comment each week.

Shall I continue to make cookies for our breaks in 2017? — Shocked on the West Coast

Dear Shocked,

Yes, you shall continue to make cookies for your breaks in 2017.

This person was just trying to inject a little levity into the situation. If you knew him better I’m sure this joke might’ve hit the mark better. Instead, he chose to be a bit morbid with his humor and it caught you off guard. He is a newer member so he might be trying to interact with as many people as he can and make new friends.

He obviously doesn’t think you’re poisoning him and your reaction is a bit of an overreaction. “I don’t understand this type of humor” comes off as stuffy. People have different sense of humor. Some like dark humor, others like slapstick.

It was a small joke. Make some more cookies and move on.

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“Jaw With John” – Fill Your Eyes With That Double Vision

I work in customer service and was helping a guest. During my eight- to 10-minute chat with her, she showed me her phone. The wallpaper on her phone was a picture of the guest and her boyfriend in Times Square. Without mentioning it to the guest, I recognized her boyfriend as the husband of a friend of mine I’ll call Julie.

Julie and her husband have two young children. Part of me wants to confront him, but part of me says this would destroy a family. I have resolved to remain quiet unless I hear of marital difficulties, but would that be a disservice to my friend and her children? I feel like I’m carrying a grenade that may devastate many innocents. — Wants To Confront Him

Dear Wants To Confront,

You’ve never heard of a doppelgänger?

I’ve been shown photos from friends of people who look like me! It’s pretty wild.

The only way I would recommend doing ANYTHING is if you were 100% certain it was him. As in, you would bet your life on it being him in that photo. Otherwise, chalk it up to a lookalike.

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“Jaw With John” – Polly Wants A Sugar Daddy

My friend, “Dave,” has been dating his girlfriend “Polly” for more than a year. When I was visiting, I asked her why there was half-eaten food everywhere, and she said, “Oh, I’ll just leave that for Dave to clean up.” At this point Dave was working 35 hours a week, plus college, while she, fresh out of high school, had no job or obligations of any kind.

When I talked to Dave about this, he said that things would change when they officially moved in together. Guess what — nothing has changed. She works part time and Dave is working nonstop. I told him he needs a helpful partner, and now is the time for Polly to start growing up.

He said he’s afraid to have that conversation with her because he doesn’t want her to get mad. I’ve wondered if I should speak directly to her.

I think she’s suffering from Princess Syndrome. He’s killing himself trying to provide for her and she, seemingly, will not lift a finger.

I’m worried for my friend. He used to be so adventurous, but now he’s just overwhelmed and tired. I’ve tried to talk to him, but the boy is too love-struck to see sense. Is there anything I can do for him at this point? — Worried Pal”

Dear Worried,


Leaving half-eaten food out for hours at a time waiting for it to be picked up by someone else when it could easily be picked up by the person who left the food is gross. Gross gross gross.

She’s “fresh out of high school” and that might be a key factor here. Maybe she’s not used to having to be responsible for her own actions. Now that she’s with Dave, Polly thinks that he will be her new cleaner/maid/Sugar Daddy. A true Princess.

The bad news – or maybe it’s good news – is that your friend is aware of the situation. At some point it may get too much for him to deal with and that feeling of being “love sick” might be cured and he’ll tell her how he really feels about the food situation.

You’ve done what you can and should not confront her. So, you continue to do you and be his friend because he’ll need you.

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“Jaw With John” – Monster-In-Law Keeps Popping In

My mother-in-law has begun doing the “pop-in.” My husband passive-aggressively hinted that he wished he had known she was coming over. Her response was, “I’m your mother; I don’t need to let you know when I’m coming over.” I regard this as total disrespect.

She has done this plenty of times — including popping in when I was having a dinner with my parents and children, which made her mad because she and my father-in-law hadn’t been invited.

She did the pop-in again last week. My husband, four children and I were about to sit down to a family dinner when she rang the doorbell. I didn’t have enough food for her and my father-in-law, which made us all uncomfortable. She made a sarcastic comment, “Gee, I guess I shouldn’t have come over,” then she sat in the living room staring at us as we ate.

I have begged my husband to say something, but he says it would be disrespectful. I said it is disrespectful that she comes over without checking with us first. What’s your take on this? — NO POP-INS, PLEASE

Dear No Pop-Ins,

She sounds like a handful.

The whole showing up someplace unannounced was fine when there wasn’t a way to effectively communicate that you were coming over (like, oh, I dunno before the telephone was invented). Nowadays, it’s common courtesy (or not so common in the case of your mother-in-law) to call or message ahead.

In an ideal world, I wish you would’ve said “No, you shouldn’t have come over!” when she came over and ended up sitting and watching you eat. Then again, I’m a bit of a sarcastic asshole. But, she needs to hear this considering that she believes that she can just come over whenever – which we know is NOT the case.

I love the part where she was mad that she wasn’t invited. BECAUSE SHE WASN’T INVITED! It was a dinner for your family and your parents! She’s mental.

Your husband seems to be slightly whipped by his own mother to the extent that he’s afraid to stand up to her. Yikes. You need to tell him to sack up and stand up to his mom because it’s having an effect on you, your marriage, and your life.


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“Jaw With John” – Confused Feelings For An Ex

I broke up with my boyfriend about six months ago. We were in a relationship for four months, and the entire time it was like we were just friends. He was scared to advance the relationship, so I ended it.

Now I am starting to develop feelings for him again, and I realize that I made a horrible mistake.

All of my friends hate him, so they kept pressuring me to break up with him. They have very bad judgment and never took the time to get to know him. At the time, I was angry at him for ditching me in the middle of a date because it was “too awkward.” But, nevertheless, I have feelings again. What should I do?

— Confused

Dear Confused,

I’m surprised you let it last four months without taking things to the next step. Personally, I was in one of those. It only lasted a month before I realized that the girl was only looking for a friend to hangout with, so I ended things. I wasn’t going to be strung along looking for a relationship while she was using me to do stuff and go places.

Why do you want to be strung along?

He clearly didn’t look at you the same way that you did. He, also, was unwilling to deepen your bond by becoming more intimate. What has changed in you? Do you feel that you can change him? Are you Jack from Lost in that you need someone to fix something at all times? (Timely reference, I know)

Hey, those feelings of having made a mistake are natural. I’d like to think that the woman who just broke up with me is rethinking her actions but she probably isn’t. She’s probably moved on and looking to date other guys…I digress. But if the relationship with this guy is like playing tennis against a curtain, then I think it’s time to look elsewhere.

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