“I’ve had a dear friend for about 25 years — since we were toddlers.
We live in separate states with separate lives, and while we’re not incredibly close, we’ve managed to keep a friendship going.
I live in New York City and am lucky enough to have a spare bedroom in the apartment I share with my boyfriend.
My friend’s job allows him flight benefits, which he often uses to visit me for a few days once or twice a year. We usually have a great time hanging out and catching up.
Recently he invited himself and a new girlfriend to stay with us. I thought this was kind of rude but decided to overlook it. They stayed for four days, barely making time to see me at all, as he was showing her around the city.
We had one dinner together, which they did not offer to pay for, and drinks afterward, which they also did not offer to pay for.
They brought no host gift, didn’t clean up after themselves and left early in the morning to catch a flight home without saying goodbye. I waited a few weeks for a thank-you card or email, but never received one.
I never expected these things when he was casually visiting, but I feel like this situation is much different.
Lifelong friendship aside, the amount of money we saved them from having to spend on a hotel room in NYC for four days seems enough to warrant a small gift or round of drinks, or even a thank-you note. Do I have the right to be upset? And if so, how do I handle the situation going forward? — Offended Friend”
Your friend needs to learn some manners.
It is common courtesy to ask if a second houseguest is permitted and on top of that at least offer to pay for dinner and/or drinks. Even if you were going to turn them down, simply making the gesture can be enough.
As for the “no host gift”, meh, I don’t see this as a real problem. I’ve stayed with dozens of friends in multiple cities, and even countries, and I never brought a host gift. What I did do was clean up after myself, make time to do things with my host/hostess, pay for things every once in a while, and leave a note or send a note thanking them afterwards.
You have every right to be upset. They used you as free housing in one of the premier travel destinations in the world. That just sucks. He can’t just drop in whenever he wants with whomever he wants.
Going forward, you need to tell him that his last visit left a bad taste in your mouth and see how you two can move on from there.