Monthly Archives: October 2015

“Jaw With John” – Sorry Taylor Swift, But She Went Out Of Style

What can I do when my mother tries to push her design taste on me by continually buying items for my home that SHE likes, but I hate?

It is driving me crazy! — Design Secure

Dear Secure:

Uhhh, tell her you don’t like those things? Shot in the dark here…

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“Jaw With John” – Include His Wife, Reader Says

Oh, that letter from “Torn” made me crazy!

The birthday boy who wants to exclude Torn’s wife from a party is the same kid who in grade school invited the whole class to his party except for a few of the heartbroken kids. Mean kids grow up to be mean adults. — Inclusive

Dear Inclusive:

Yup. Some people are dicks for their entire lives.

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“Jaw With John” – What Happens Between The Sheets Should Stay Between The Sheets

I have been with my boyfriend for about eight years.

The other night we went out to dinner with my parents. One of their friends came over to the table to say hello. The conversation came around to this elderly friend’s age. She is 80 years old.

My boyfriend asked her “if she still fools around.”

We were all so embarrassed. He showed no respect to me, my parents or to their friend.

He does not think he said anything wrong. He thinks it is funny. He often talks about our sex life in a social gathering, even though he can see this makes people very uncomfortable. I feel this is a private topic. How do I handle this if it happens again? — Not Amused

Dear Not:

Woof.

Ouch.

Other synonyms for falling flat on ones face.

Your boyfriend seems to lack a filter when it comes to things of a sexual nature. This is a problem.

He’s also painfully unfunny. I recommend you talk with him in private and tell him that the things that you two do between the sheets are between the two of you and no one else. If he continually brings it up in other conversations then you might want to kick him out of the bed and see how he changes … or doesn’t.

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“Jaw With John” – Leave, Get Out, Right Now

My husband “Steve” and I have been married for eight years, and together for a total of 12. He’s 31; I’m 28.

Five years ago I cheated on him with my best friend. My husband found out about it and I came clean about everything. I haven’t seen or been in touch with the other person since then.

For the past five years my life has been a living hell. Steve goes through my phone, texts, calls, emails, social media and mail. I just ignore this because I have nothing to hide.

If I’m talking on the phone I’m instantly accused of talking to “my boyfriend.” He has been emotionally and verbally abusive, and has been physically abusive twice. When I suggested marriage counseling he said I “wasn’t worth it, never have been and never will be.” He’s “thrown me out” on numerous occasions and then once I pack up my personal belongings he becomes loving and caring toward me.

Two weeks ago he sent me a text saying I had two hours to get home or he was throwing all of my stuff in the front lawn. When I got home he had all of my stuff packed.

I moved out. Steve and I have talked, but he still refuses marriage counseling. He wants me to move back in, says he loves me and doesn’t want me to leave. He said he will give me a month to move back in or he’s filing for divorce.

I don’t know what to do. I’ve lost all but one of my friends and have lost contact with most of my family because of Steve, so I don’t have many people to talk to. I know the easiest thing would be to go back to him, but I just feel in a few months everything will go back to the way it was. — Walking on Eggshells

Dear Walking:

I’m going to defer this question to my friend Smeagol. Let’s hear what he has to say:

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“Jaw With John” – Marriage Contingency Plan

My partner of three years and I are very happy together and love each other. We are in our mid-20s, live together and have discussed future plans, although neither of us feels ready for marriage yet.

We both agree that in the next five to 10 years, we’d like to be married with kids. My qualm is this: He doesn’t think that a lifelong commitment is realistic. He thinks that after an unspecified amount of time divorce or unhappiness are inevitable and that no two people can sustain a happy relationship “forever.”

I almost want to ask if he sees himself married (to anyone) and keeping separate retirement accounts — but he might actually think that’s a good idea.

Can you suggest a more level-headed approach? I want to know if I’m wasting my time with someone who does not want the same future I do.

There are good reasons people split up, but I think making this commitment with an exit plan creates a self-fulfilling prophecy.

What do you think? — Anxious

Dear Anxious:

He’s right about one thing: that no two people can sustain a happy relationship forever. That’s impossible. There will be ups and downs but if there truly is a connection then the storm can be weathered together.

My question to you is why do you want to be with someone who is so negative about the long term? This shows that he doesn’t believe that you and he will be together forever. If you still want to go through with marriage then you should have a contingency plan for that inevitable exit. Keep your finances separate and your ear to the ground.

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