“I am 27 years old. I have always been a daddy’s girl. My dad and I were extremely close until his passing almost three years ago after a three-year battle with cancer.
Before this, my parents had been married for 30 years. Recently my mother has been talking on her phone way more than usual, and I asked my sister whom she was talking to. Apparently this guy has been coming around and taking her on trips out of town and such.
When I first heard this I was very bothered. I’m writing because my boyfriend is saying I’m being selfish for not approving of this. I’m still grieving, so why isn’t she? Please help me understand and be possibly close to being OK with this. Is my boyfriend right? — Daddy’s Girl.”
Dear Daddy’s Girl:
Everyone grieves differently and for varying lengths of time. You don’t sound all that close to your mother. Getting second hand news shows you aren’t truly connected to her. It can be hard to move on after someone you love has passed and the paths that you and your mom are taking are very different.
You can’t tell your mom to not seek out happiness just because you are still in pain. That is being selfish.
I’ll be frank, three years is an awfully long time to be grieving. From my own experience, losing someone is awful and yes the pain and the hole that person left is still there but you cannot let that take hold of your life. You need to find a way to move on. As much as you’d like to, you can’t live in the past.
You clearly need to address this with her and tell her how you’re feeling and discuss your father. He was an important man in both of your lives and someone that important should be talked about.