“Jaw With John” – Friend, Discretion Is Advised

Recently a close friend and her boyfriend visited my family and me. During the visit my friend casually asked about my best friend, “Shelley.” We see each other only a few times a year.

As I was filling in my visiting friend about Shelley’s adorable new apartment she abruptly asked if she was still sleeping with the same (married) man she’s been seeing for years. I was completely dumbfounded and shocked. My visiting friend felt awful that she outed Shelley and said she assumed I already knew.

I feel terrible and wonder why Shelley didn’t tell me about this relationship. It seems dishonest of me not to bring this up with her, and I’ve always been honest with her. Should I tell her I know? I don’t want to throw my visiting friend under the bus for letting it slip. She feels terrible. I am feeling so torn between being honest and upfront about knowing and being respectful of Shelley’s privacy. If she wanted me to know, she would have told me, right? — Upset Friend

Dear Upset:

Let’s face it, your friend might have found out about Shelley through a third party so don’t feel too bad.

As for Shelley, you can approach her by saying “I heard that this guy you’re seeing is married? Is this true?” If she wants to talk about it, she will. If not, then that’s on her and you should respect that no matter how strongly you disagree with her. Discretion is a must here as doing anything loud or public could severely ruin multiple people’s lives. You and I know what she is doing is wrong but you are not the one to decide how it all plays out.

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