Monthly Archives: June 2015

“Jaw With John” – Son Is A Regular Don Jon

Both my husband and I are professionals. We live in a beautiful and affluent part of the country.

We have two sons, ages 14 and 10. Some time ago we discovered that our older son had accessed pornography by creating a false account on our computer. After confessing, he seemed contrite, promised us that he wouldn’t do it again, and we decided to give him another chance.

A few months later we gave him a smartphone for his 14th birthday, but we chose one that didn’t have many bells and whistles. We made him sign the contract, and (just for good measure) I asked my younger son to hold on to the locked phone once the boys came home from school.

I found out yesterday that on the days that my younger son was at school for after-school activities, my older son was home watching porn. My husband and I are stunned, shocked, repulsed, and have no idea where to go.

We are worried that if I enroll him in a group for porn addiction, he will learn other things that we would rather he not be exposed to. I am trying to find research about this, but am not getting the information I am seeking. Other than this, my son gets all As, plays a sport, reads voraciously, and in general appears to be a responsible kid. — Very Worried Mom

Dear Mom:

What does your location and income have to do with any of this? Are you trying to imply that what is going on with your son isn’t normally a problem associated with the affluent and those living in a “beautiful part of the country”? You’re trying to make a correlation that just isn’t there.

Why would you give him a smartphone? That seems like a way to exacerbate the situation. Why not give him a flip phone? It’s the safer alternative given your fears. I didn’t receive a phone until I was 15 and a freshman in high school. Young kids don’t need phones. I see 6 and 8-year-olds walking around staring at their phones (causing future neck and back problems) and they are disconnected with the world and it’s just … another story for another time.

Now that I’ve got the phone part out of the way, I want to address the other – more important – part. The porn.

Maybe he’s just super horny.

My initial response is “boys will be boys.” Because as a 14-year-old he’s starting to fully experience hormones and that includes finding and watching porn. But that would be too dismissive.

Listen, you said so yourself he does well in school and stays out of trouble. So what’s the problem? He’s not dabbling in drugs or getting drunk or stealing things from the Piggly Wiggly. He’s watching porn. Yes, I know porn can have negative effects on the developing brain of a young adult. It can also represent an unhealthy version of what sex actually is. Because it isn’t what porn depicts – at least not today’s version of it. If anything that is what you need to address with him and not this “addiction” because when it comes to it your son needs to know what he is seeing is not real and that is not how someone should treat a woman or women in the real world.

Then again, I’m the guy who wrote his senior capstone mockumentary about professionals in the adult film industry called Adult Content. I also worked on the Joseph Gordon-Levitt film Don Jon  – a film about this very topic! So maybe I’m not the best person to be getting advice from on this topic. And since I like to keep things 100 here at Jaw With John, I will admit that in high school and into college I watched a considerable amount of porn but still managed to do well in school and graduate. SO there’s hope.

I realize I’m not helping in the slightest so I will close with this: If after telling him to stop he continues to watch porn and you catch him then you need to sit down and talk with him.

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“Jaw With John” – Online Dating Keeps Giving Him 404 Error

Why do so many women play games on these dating sites? I have to laugh when I read their profiles and they say, “I’m real!”

Why lie? You have to be completely honest. Why do all the women go for the Tom Cruises and the Brad Pitts of the world? They pass up good guys! — A Good Guy

Dear Good Guy:

You laugh when they say “I’m real”. I laugh when I see things like “I love traveling”, “I’m easy-going” “I’m really down to Earth” or “I like guys taller than 6 feet.” Saying “I’m real” is the equivalent of those first three phrases. I have seen those words on profiles from Match to Tinder to OK Cupid. And I laugh at the first three because they are so generic and reveal nothing about the person and in turn makes them even more boring. I laugh at the last one because those women are height supremacists. They are shallow enough to say that they wouldn’t go out with a guy – who might be everything that they’re looking for – because of his height. I have no problem with taller women. It doesn’t matter to me, but some women can’t get past their insecurity of being taller than their man.

I’m not going to lie to you Good Guy, if Brad Pitt came up to me – a straight man – and said “John, let’s get outta here and start our life together” I would definitely think it over. But that’s another story.

Those women who are chasing the unobtainable man are nothing more than a dog chasing cars. They wouldn’t know what to do if they caught it. They tend to pass on the “good guys” because they have this idea of their ideal man. And men do this too. We pine after the Jennifer Lawrence’s and Marion Cotillard’s of the world with no real hope of ever coming in contact with them. Or we have a certain body type or hair color that we find necessary in our partner. It goes both ways.

My advice is to just be yourself and be honest because the women who find you interesting and attractive will find you.

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