Monthly Archives: February 2015

“Jaw With John” – Take You To Church You’ll Worship Like A Dog

I’m curious to know what you think of someone asking a semi-stranger, “What church do you go to?” or, even worse, “Do you go to church?”

It seems as intrusive as asking “How much do you weigh?” or “How much money do you make?” or “Are your kids gay or straight?”

Maybe churches today are trying to grow their memberships, but the way I was raised, someone’s personal relationship with God was PERSONAL.

I know people like to categorize, but to me the question is rude.

Am I just out of step? — Offended

Dear Offended:

You’re out of step.

Maybe this dude is trying to find a church to attend. Of course churches want to grow their memberships. If they didn’t then they would’ve died out long ago with the people who founded them!

I fail to see how this church question equates to the questions you posed as intrusive. You sound very cloistered in your worship and faith which, let’s face it, is not what being religious and being one with God is all about. It’s about inclusion and learning and growing with others. You’re probably the guy in the last row of the church, tucked alllllllll the way into the corner where no one else is around because you want your space in your church. Newsflash Padre: That’s not very Christian.

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“Jaw With John” – Throw A Flag At The Creepy Old Guy

I recently invited an acquaintance, “Al,” to a TV sports viewing party. He invited his friend “Ed” to join us.

Al and Ed have known each other their entire lives, but I had never met Ed before. They are both 70 years old.

After the game ended, we three were talking when Ed suddenly said to me, “So, what are we going to do now, make love?” Then, a few minutes later he said, “When I’m driving my car, you can pay off a bet.” I had not made any sports bets with him. He was alluding to a sexual act.

Al did not hear the crass questions. I ignored Ed’s offensive behavior.

Both Al and I are decent, kind and considerate people. I was dressed conservatively in sports attire. We were kind and welcoming to Ed. All of my friends are well-mannered and courteous.

Ed’s offensive remarks were negative and insulting. He did not drink alcohol and no drugs were present, so what gives? I told Al about this and he did not know why Ed acted offensively.

What could I have said to Ed to fend off both remarks?

Also I do not trust Ed, and he knows where I live.

What can I do proactively to protect myself? — Proper and Puzzled Gal

Dear Proper:

I am literally confused here. Your wording perplexes me.

I assume Ed was trying to be funny, and obviously came off as a creepy old man. His remark about the bet – I have no idea. It LITERALLY makes zero sense to me. Maybe he thinks you’re someone else who he made a bet with, but still, I have no idea what he means here. I’m as confused as you are. Or maybe he was just very horny that day?

Trust me, all of your friends are not well-mannered and courteous. You’re being very naive.

Now you’re being paranoid here when you talk about protecting yourself. The Super Bowl was three weeks ago, has he stopped by since? If he does then you can ignore him and if that doesn’t work, call the police. Otherwise you’re making a mountain out of molehill for a creepy old guy.

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“Jaw With John” – What’s In A Name?

The birth of my children has caused my father and me to reconnect after many years of no contact. During that time, he remarried (for the third time) a very nice lady who has been instrumental in getting us back on speaking terms. She always sends a gift for birthdays and Christmas. My wife and I like her.

She likes to refer to herself as “Grandma.” My wife doesn’t mind but it just doesn’t sit well with me. For one thing, I don’t want to confuse our very young kids, and for another, my mother passed away 10 years ago, and I know for a fact if she were here and got wind of this she would be very upset. Mom was a tough, take-no-nonsense fighter and she wouldn’t stand for this.

For my father’s wife to call herself “Grandma” seems disrespectful. It took years to get my dad and me to speak. I don’t want to ruin that by insulting his wife, but I also don’t want to confuse our kids or dishonor my mother’s memory. — Upset Son

Dear Upset:

This seems stupid and petty. This woman has been very kind to you and your family and you’re angry over a name. Kids all over the Earth have multiple grandparents yet they don’t get confused. I had a different grandpa, who wasn’t my Dad’s Dad, and I was told that he wasn’t my biological grandpa but it didn’t phase me and I still called him Grandpa.

Why wouldn’t your Mom “stand for this”? There is no nonsense here. It’s a name.

For homework: recall The Bard, Shakespeare, in this instance to bring to light your plight:

What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet
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When In Wanaka

After spending a few months on the island continent Australia I was itching to spread my wings. I had a semester break at the end of September/beginning of October and I knew where I wanted to go: New Zealand.

The scary part was that I was going to be doing this 100% on my own. I wasn’t going to meet anyone there that was part of my university or study abroad group. I was doing this for me. It was a huge step for me to travel and make plans on my own and it gave me confidence for future travel adventures. In my head I already knew that I wanted to go and see some of the Lord of the Rings filming locations, so I made it a mission to do just that. I decided to start my adventure on the South Island or Te Waipounamu in the city of Queenstown and I booked a day tour that would take me around to various locations used in the filming of the Lord of the Rings films.

An odd connection from Brisbane to an overnight in Melbourne to an AM Sydney flight and running through the Sydney airport to catch a flight, then a few hours staring out a Qantas window, a movie about a Scottish cyclist (The Flying Scotsman) and a crappy Robin Williams movie (License To Wed) later … I landed in Queenstown.

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I had arranged to be driven to Wanaka via a shuttle bus. the only problem was that I didn’t know/remember the name of the bus. This was before the smartphone era so I had to boot up my laptop and then try and find WiFi at the airport and STILL, I was stuck. I knew when I was going to be picked up, but I didn’t know by who. When the time came to be picked up I wandered around the shuttles and saw one. I guess I looked lost because the driver immediately asked if I was going to Wanaka and if I was staying at the Minaret Lodge B&B. I was relieved that he named the right place! I handed him the money I owed and off I went.

I stared out the window and took in the beautiful scenery. I hadn’t seen anything like it before. Everything was so green and pristine. Truly beautiful.

The bus snaked up a windy road and when we reached the top, I was surprised to see snowflakes fall lightly on the window. It was nearly October. It was supposed to be transitioning from Spring into Summer. Brisbane was warm-to-hot nearly every day. I also hadn’t seen snow fall since I was about 10 or 11 years old. I nearly forgot what it looked like.

One-by-one, and sometimes more, people were being dropped off at their respective hotels until it was me and two other people left. The sun had gone down long ago leaving only the orange glow of the streetlights to cut through the darkness. The bus pulled up to a driveway covered in tiny pebbles and I was let out. I was greeted by a kind woman, who was also the owner, who showed me to my Hobbit-sized room.

After traveling all that way, I had nearly forgotten that I had booked a room that would make me feel like a hobbit.

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After getting settled the owner asked if I wanted to head into town to get some dinner, since she was heading there. I would have to walk back, but I didn’t mind so I took her up on it and she dropped me off right next to the restaurant she recommended to me: The Cow. Situated right next to the Post Office, The Cow Pizza & Spaghetti House, is truly one of the best pizzas I have ever eaten. It’s a warm and inviting place full of history and great pizza. I sat down, ordered one of the local seasonal beers and of course a pizza.

I don’t recall a time before this where I went out to dinner by myself. It was nice. I was able to take in everything around me. I felt the warmth of the wood fire, I heard the locals talk and I saw people young and old enjoying the ambiance, each other and the food. You can’t beat that.

At the end of my meal I noticed a few t-shirts hanging around and I asked the waitress which one looked better on me. She told me the tan one and it’s still a shirt that I own and wear to this day.

On my way back to my room I took the road parallel to Roys Bay and you know what I heard? Nothing. It was a silent, quiet night and I was able to enjoy the serenity of a nighttime lakeside walk on the aptly named Lakeside Rd as I made my way back to my Hobbit-sized room.

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“Jaw With John” – You Love Lamp

I recently left a difficult living situation, sharing a house with two roommates.

About two months before I moved out, one of my roommates asked if I would like a lamp that her friend was giving away. She had eyes on another lamp this friend was getting rid of and offered to bring both home, giving one to me. I loved the lamp and thanked her profusely.

Shortly thereafter I moved out, taking my things (including the lamp) with me.

Said roommate contacted me a month later. She said she never intended to give me the lamp and that she would like to have it back.

I am not sure how our understanding of the situation came to be so different, and I am struggling to find a moral high road. — Between a Lamp and a Hard Place

Dear Lamp:

She offered you the lamp. You accepted. She gave you the lamp. End of story.

Does she not remember this interaction? Seriously, ask her if she remembers that you had that discussion and that she GAVE YOU THE LAMP. If she fights you and now wants it back, then you’ll need to decide if you want the lamp that badly. I think you do, it sounds like an awesome lamp. I have one next to my bed that I LOVE. I know how you feel. Don’t give in to your friend. She gave you the lamp, you should keep it.

 

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